A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi agony aunts and uncles. I need a bit of advice that maybe some of you can help me with regarding a no strings attached relationship I've been involved in for almost a year. I know that generally things don't tend to work out in the favor of the person that finally catches feelings, but that seems to be when the feeling of "love" completely takes over the "lust". Though in my case, and your opinions are more than welcome for this, the lust hasn't left. I say this because although it's already been established that he doesn't want more and knowing that, yeah, I could just pick up and move on but I know I'll miss the sex! lol And why take away really good sex in the meantime when I'm way too busy to look for and put energy into a real relationship? It's the reason why I entered this situation in the first place. I've never been promiscuous or go out seeking casual sex partners. It just kind of happened for us...What changed my tune with him is the feeling I started to gain from actually caring about whether I was going to see him, or wanting more emotion and more intimacy when we're together. So that must mean I'm catching feelings right? What should I do? The question has been swimming around in my head for a couple of days now and I planned on seeing him soon after a bit of a break I needed to take to get my thoughts together, yet I still don't know what I'm feeling or should do about it. Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): So, what does he feel about you?Do you really know?If he sees you as just a fuck buddy, and doesn't view you as "relationship material" (which a lot of guys do when they have a fuck buddy...the work with her until they decide to settle down then they want a "good girl"), what are you going to do?Your feelings are your feelings, but if you have them for someone who views you as "less" because of the relationship you have accepted with them, then you will have some hard times emotionally after the breakoff...which usually occurs when one of the people wants to change the tenor of the relationship, which clearly you do.The only way you can know is to come out and say it. Regardless of what happens, deal with the consequences afterward in a constructive manner, a lot of people don't and feel so shitty afterward that they demean themselves and act like they themselves have no value except as a sex partner.
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (14 December 2011):
More than likely, you have been feeling these feelings of attachment to him for quite some time. The sex is good because you really do like him as more than just a body to use for sex. You need to realise that if you continue on the basis of no strings attached you are going to get massively hurt. There are always strings, in reality because the woman nearly always wants more, which is just the way women are made.
Face up to your real feelings and as they are not reciprocated, end the arrangement.
Read the signs. x
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Admitting that I cannot contribute much, I must say that I probably had many FWB relations, but I always cared for the women - probably much more than they cared for me. In my life, a woman who shared such personal intimacy was very special to me, so I have always had a difficult time separating sex from, at least, affection. Therefore, I understand, even as a man, that affection can grow with extended sexual relations. It was, and remains, natural to me. But in your case, if he truly has no affection for you, then my suggestion would be to move on.
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