A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you know if you are really a bad, unreasonable person who is difficult to live with, or if you are just with someone who makes you feel that way?Basically every disagreement ends in myself being the one who caused it/the one at fault/the one that apologises and is met with "that's okay..." (I would say disagreemeny because it almost never escalates into what one might call an "argument" and is never a "fight")He is tired/grumpy: my fault for asking too much.I am tired/grumpy: my fault for being grumpy.He says something wrong: my fault for being too sensitive.I say something wrong: my fault for being insensitive.I accidentally hurt him: my fault for being careless.He accidentally hurts me: stop making him feel bad.Etc..Basically at the end of it I am the one who feels bad about it. How do I know if I really am a jerk or if he just cannot handle being in the wrong? Is there always someone to be blamed in the first place? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): It's unlikely to be you all the time. Sounds like he hasn't yet learned to take responsibility for his actions/feelings so just projects everything on to you. It's shitty behaviour and immature. Sit him down and say, 'hey Joe, we seem to be having a fair few disagreements recently, and it's taking its toll on our relationship. Now since there are two people in each of our interactions, we are both equally accountable. Next time we have a fight, I'd like to look at how we each contributed to the misunderstanding. If we're more aware of the effect we have on each other, we'll learn to communicate better, and we won't fight so much.'See how open he is to that idea. If he is truly never to blame, he won't mind going through this process. If he's defensive...it's all adding up to the situation you've already portayed in your post.
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