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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Here's my story. I am married, have been for almost 2 years. We have a 2 year old together. I found out I was pregnant only month after I met my now husband. While I was 6 months pregnant I found out my husband was cheating. I took him back and he promised to cut off all ties with her. However a day after my son was born I found out he had cheated again 2 days before I had my son and he was even texting her while I was in labor and recovery. I forgave him only because I wanted to have a two parent family for my son and the fact that my husband was stable. However 2 months after this I found out he was cheating again with the same girl. I decided to stick it out since we were moving to Texas and he would not see her again. We got married because I wanted to be sure he could not just leave me and my son high and dry. Since we have been in Texas he has not talked to her but I still have trust issues I also work with a guy that I am really starting to like. He also seems to like me. We text and work together a lot. Everyone at work sees that we are attracted to each other. I just don't know if I want to leave the stability of my husband and take a chance with this other guy but I don't know if I can trust my husband and don't want to miss out on an opportunity to have a better relationship with this person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Thank you Eddie. It has been hard trying to make up my mind with this. I like my husband sometimes but we also have very little in common and ever since he cheated the first time my emotional attachment to him has waned. While I have not cheated on my husband, and do not plan to I may be falling into an emotional affair without realizing it. The most i have done with said coworker is hug him and flirt and play.Up until this point I felt that things could work with the husband but I also felt unsatisfied with the relationship, i.e. Trust issues, little in common, he finds me annoying ( I am ADHD), he never seems interested in me and what I have to say and there is very little spark there anymore.But as you say, leaving my husband for my coworker may not be the best for me or my son. However, I don't want my son to grow up and think that my and my husband's marriage is ideal either.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (14 November 2012):
 Reading between the lines of your post, you are coming up with all kinds of reasons and justifications in leaving your husband to try things out with this new guy (or atleast seeing him on the side). You've been cheated on (multiple times) and you only got to know your husband briefly before being locked into a relationship with him (so maybe the love wasn't meant to last a lifetime). Why you stuck it out with him so far, I don't know, but granted you are making the most of it for the sake of your child.
To me, it sounds like you've already made up your mind (or you are pretty well there) and that you are looking for a vote of confidence. What is worse is you are doing exactly what your husband did to you with the last woman without realizing it: cheat.
If both parties are cheating, that is no basis to a healthy marriage and it certainly will impact the life of your child -- which at one point was the primary concern for you.
Before you get involved with this guy, who may pan out to be the real deal or a flash in the pan, you need to sort out whether you want to be married at all. You are still very young and marriage is a lifelong commitment -- and you have a child's welfare to consider. While you state that you have forgiven your husband, you certainly haven't forgotten, and you are using it as justification that you are "owed one" now.
In short, I can't answer your question (and nobody should) but state that only you can make the decision on what to do. You'll have to live with the decisions you make for the rest of your life (and the fallout from it). Consider all the possible endpoints and who you will be hurting with your decision. You may be surprised that the person you hurt the most will be you.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): This guy at work has not asked me to cheat or anything. He actually has never been in a relationship but has shown interest in me. We just flirt, text, have good conversations and connect well. I just don't want to do what my husband did and cheat. I want to leave my husband before pursuing anything with the guy at work.
The only problem I have with just leaving my husband is that I'm only 23 and still in college, working a minimum wage job. On the flip side I don't feel it's fair for me, my husband or my son to stay. And as I said I don't want to give up an opportunity to have a relationship with said coworker . He actually listens and talks to me, something my husband rarely does.
Thanks for your advice.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (14 November 2012):
 Hi
By sticking it out with your husband and marrying him, you were looking out for yourself.You knew what he was like,not to be trusted.
The fact you have now met somebody you are attracted to is no surprise as you haven't mentioned once that you love your husband.Only that he gives security for you and your child.
If you don't leave him for THIS man you will probably find you meet other men your attracted too again and again.
Now, this man at work,has he asked you to leave your marriage,have you been on a date,had sex,or is it that you want to leave your husband first and not cheat?
If your that unhappy then end the marriage, the trust is already gone because of your mans history of cheating,so whats left? A life of doubt with him or being free to find a man you love?
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