A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,This is really getting me down. I am in college and am awkward, painfully quiet, and bad at interacting with people. Now I feel like I'm drifting away from one of my friends, and don't know how to change this. I met this friend just about a year ago, and embarrassing as it is I had a bit of a thing for him, starting maybe a month or two after I met him. I know, that was too soon and I didn't know him well enough, but my brain wasn't consulted in that decision. Anyways, I thought he was giving me mixed signals (plus all our mutual friends were trying to set us up and he never really shut them down) so eventually, in the spring, I just came right out and asked him if he was interested; he said no. I wish that he had made his disinterest clearer sooner so I wouldn't have felt like such an idiot, but whatever. He was fairly gracious at the time about it though, didn't seem to get weirded out, and we continued to be friends without anything else being said about it.Only since then I've felt increasingly awkward around him. The guy has a very hard time saying no, so sometimes I wonder if he's only friends with me because I hang around near him and he doesn't know how to get me to go away, or he just doesn't mind my presence if I happen to be there. Not so much fun wondering if you're wanted or just tolerated. So, I kind of went away. Over the summer I initiated very little contact with him, and for the whole school year so far I have been very reserved, my reasoning being that I inadvertently overstepped my boundaries and now need to back way off, and that he will initiate if he wants to talk or hang out. He will talk to me and try to engage me if I am being very quiet, but I've kind of convinced myself now that I make an ass of myself every time I open my mouth, so I've had a very hard time actually talking to him even when he starts it.About a week ago he said something which was effectively poking fun at me for liking him in the past. I want the whole issue to just be FORGOTTEN, as I feel really stupid about it and regret ever letting him know. It struck me as pretty insensitive and made me feel more awkward than ever around him. So for the last week I've been stinging inside a little bit from that, and have just avoided him completely. And I'm sad, because I miss him. I don't know how to come out of the shell I've built and convince myself that I am not being an annoyance when I interact with people. If I continue to be so withdrawn and avoid him, he'll give up on me, if he cares in the first place. How do I reach out without making a fool of myself, again? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, OscarsMummyReturns  +, writes (14 November 2012):
guys are kinda dumb at times he has probably be wondering what he has done to upset you and the comment about you liking him in the past was his way of breaking the ice - dont lose what could be a good friendship over what happend - you will feel bad especially if al your friends thought that you would be good together, you start thinking it too so it kinda blows your legs off when he says no - you never know if he was new to the group maybe he didnt feel comfortable dating someone in the group so soon maybe he was not ready to pair off?The fact that he has been trying to talk to you means a lot - he wants to be your freind otherwise he seriously would not botherYou could just take a deep breath and say 'sorry i still feel awkward after asking you out that time i know its silly' and see what his response isIf it was me i'd take a deep breath and start a fresh and be freinds on your terms
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