A
female
age
36-40,
*s Rain
writes:Hi everyone. I'm 25 living in Vietnam, and my ex bf is 27 in the US. My parents live in the US too. We used to planned to get engaged in the end of this year. But since he had got unemployed for almost a year, I decided to get break up because I didn't feel assured for the future of a small family. Then recently he has resolved that problem already. So I think I might agree to come back to him. But, there is another problem making me upset again: faithfulness.He has just left California to Kansas for his new job. Living far from family and friends, in a new place he knows no one. He still cares of me and calls me regularly every day or sometimes every of 2-3 days. Once about 2 weeks ago he told me that he got 4 new friends in the new city - they are his co-workers. One of them is a 30 years old girl, the rest 3 are men. The second time is 2 days ago, when we were talking about the hot weather, he told that the girl had invited him to visit her house and to get swimming since she had a small swimming pool at the yard. He said he thought she liked him, and she would show bikini for him. But he didn't go, just smiled to her. He told me that he didn't want to get an affair at work because it would have been hard to face to ex gf if the relationship had got broken... Then another once when he came to a male worker's house, there was a young girl asking for his cellphone number and recommended him for a tour in the new city. He said he didn't go. Because he felt it's guilty and sorry for me, as he said. Since we were in relationship, I saw he's very friendly and nice to many girls in his facebook friend list. As the way he showed, I felt that he seemed to be very happy to talk to girls. (Of course he is always nice to me, and he assumed he wanted to get married with me).I don't trust his faithfulness, although he strongly refused when we talked about that matter. Mostly when we are living far away from each other.What should I do in this situation? Please give me some advices. I would be very appreciative. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ms Rain +, writes (20 August 2012):
Ms Rain is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for the answers above, mostly for the clear reply from Ms Denise32.You're right that men tend not to want their wives/gf/ex-gf to know if they have been meeting some other women. But it's in most cases, and in some rare cases they might accidentally mention about the women they've got interested in.In fact he said he still wanted to get married with me, because I have some qualities (pretty, sweet, good at cooking and playing Organ) to be a good wife, since last year we had 1 month living together when he was in Vietnam. I know he still loves me. And I told him that I am considering coming back to him. The thing makes me upset here is: I'm afraid he might have some affairs while we are living far away. He might not want a long term serious relationship with the new girls, but a temporary relationship. Then later he would come to marry me.Another fact is, when we were still in the relationship, I saw he's very nice to other girls. I used to read some emails, messages between him and a few other girls (he didn't know I read them). He seemed to pay attention to and care of them (even also cares of their new boyfriends, he came to their boyfriends' Facebook pages to see their jobs, their photos).I think, I get 75% of his heart, I am the main one. And the rest 25% is for other girls, they are the downsides to this relationship.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 August 2012):
 Don't. Men are - traditionally - dogs..... and they lead with their penises.... and have no loyalty, whatsoever....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (19 August 2012):
 Well, first of all a few observations:
1. You said he is currently your EX-boyfriend. If that is so, then he AND you are free to socialize with and date anyone you choose!
2. Now he is employed again and you are considering resuming your relationship. But remember, until and unless you DO get back together with him you are both still ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend.
3. This means that he isn't, in this situation, being unfaithful to you.
4. He is certainly being very honest with you in telling you about the two or three women he has had a chance to meet and who have shown an interest in him.
5. It would be something for you to be concerned about if he had been meeting these women and NOT telling you about it! Men who are unfaithful tend not to want their wives, girlfriends, even ex-girlfriends sometimes, to know, so they won't talk about it, and are not very happy if the fact that they've been seeing other women comes out by accident!
6. Yes, there is a lot of physical distance between you. If you were to get engaged and plan to marry then either he'd have to return to Vietnam, or you'd have to move to the US and apply for a visa. The question of faithfulness or unfaithfulness still applies whether the distance is a matter of living a few streets away from each or a few thousand miles, however.
7. As I'm sure you are aware, a good relationship or marriage must have a rock-solid foundation of mutual trust.
That's absolutely essential. But only you can decide for sure whether you trust him, or whether you're worrying for no real reason.
Think about it and you'll be able to assess whether you have a good prospect there or not.
Good luck!
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