A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I bother fighting him on letting me meet his girlfriend before he introduces her to our son?Getting divorced. I want Ex and I to both agree that we will not introduce anyone to our son and we will introduce that person to each other prior to our son meeting them if they are going to be a long term or potential marriage partner.Ex is agreeable to let me know that he if he is seeing someone and if he is going to introduce her to our child. However, he doesn't think it's necessary for me to meet her. I have no problem with him meeting anyone I might be with-but he says he's ok with me just telling him verbally and doesn't want to meet anyone I'm involved with.My feeling is that I feel like I should have a right to meet a person who is going to be a part of my son's life. Granted, ex only takes son about 4 days per month-but that could change when he has a new woman to dump him on.Should I fight him on this? Don't I have a right to meet this person? Or should I just leave it alone at verbal notice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013): It's none of your business who your EX dates. He doesn't need approval from you about his current. Even if you didn't like her, you have no right to veto him from introducing her to your son unless you have tangible evidence that the woman is a threat to your son. Sorry, but I think you're over stepping your boundaries here.
Your is a co-parent on an equal footing with you. He's not your child who's dates you have to vet. You had enough trust in him to marry him and make a life so allow him to be a parent the way he is giving you the sanme respect.
Unless your son is unhappy or in danger - you have no business meeting her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013): I think it's great you both agree to limit who your soon meets to avoid the confusion of a parade of men and women in his young life.
As for meeting the potential marriage partner before he or she meets your son-- I see what your getting at.... In an obvious example, if you see the potential partner is a substance abuser, you have every right to deny this person access to your son's life.
But realistically, how much can you find out from meeting someone once, maybe twice? And do you really think that if you just have a feeling or don't like her, and you let your ex know, he's going to say, oh okay and dump her or ban her from being around your son?
I don't have children of my own, but I used to work with families in divorce situations, so I've seen enough frustrating situations involving custody battles where exes are exposing children to either violent and abusive partners, or partners with substance abuse issues. So again, I see your concern and your purpose.
But again, realistically speaking I don't think you can stop him from dating the someone or from bring around her children after just meeting her once or twice before she's introduced to your son. For one thing you can't get to know someone well enough by then, she could be different in front of you and in front of your son. Second, I highly doubt your ex will go along with whatever recommendation you'll have after the meet if you don't like her because he's just being difficult as be is now or in denial.
Suggestion: since your ex is amenable to only introducing potential marriage partners and not just any fling, see if he is willing to introduce the new girl to your son WITH you present for the first few times and both of you should make clear to your son he is free to speak his mind and confide in you how he feels (how old is he?) if there is a problem. That way you can see how she interacts with him and make sure your protecting your son.
If at any time you find she is unfit to be around him, ie she is abusive, drugs, a serious bad influence in some way, then you have every right to protect your son.
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