A
female
age
30-35,
*aileyLove
writes:Hi, so, I have a problem... Well actually I have 2 different situations that I need help with. I'm really sorry if this is long but I DESPERATELY need some advice!Well, my ex and I broke up 2 years ago. But I still love him so much. And he loves me too, we both say it to each other. But I don't want a relationship again until I graduate, that way we can talk about settling in together because we both want to. But here's my problem:Well, he's very attractive, in my opinion. He has a great personality, he's protective, and very very sweet. But he gets girls ALL THE TIME. They, literally, throw themselves at him. He says he never does anything with them, but I'm starting to doubt that. I mean, when I go on his Facebook he has a lot of girls who say "Marry me!" or "I love you!" and not to be creepy but when I look at the comments he'll say something like, "That's nice" or "Ok". But they also admit that they wanna have sex with him, and as soon as they do, he tells me, and I never hear about that girl again and I never see her on his Facebook again. But I don't know what to think. I love him, but I feel as though he doesn't need me. Not to mention what my second problem is. But last week I told him that I didn't want him hanging out with anymore girls because he won't let me hang out with guys and plus I'm super jealous. But he asked if he could play paintball with 3 girls and I felt that it wasn't my place to tell him no, so he went. THEN the next night he went to hang out with 6 girls and he was gonna STAY the night! Wtf?! And he didn't tell me about staying with them. I thought he was just going to the mall. And when I went out with 7 guys the next day, he didn't even wanna talk to me because he was so mad. Yesterday he was supposed to hang out with (what he said) was 18 girls because those 6 girls he was with were gonna invite their friends to meet him. I said that if he was gonna go out I was gonna go to a big party I was invited to. He immediately told me I couldn't go and he decided to hang out with me just so I couldn't go. Luckily he ditched those girls. And when he did, they all decided not to hang out.Also he told me that 2 days ago he was getting a ride home from this girl and she flashed him while they were at a red light? Does that even sound possible? Then he told me that he got out of the car and walked home. 3 days before that I took off my shirt for him. Now I'm self conscious about my body. Like, what if he's comparing? Not to mention that he didn't even get embarassed like he said he would be.Well, today we were on Skype and he asked me how many guys I've kissed and I asked him how many girls he kissed. I thought I knew the answer but he said 11. ELEVEN?! He told me back when we were dating that he only kissed maybe about 6 or 7. He was my first kiss, and I've kissed 7 guys in the time he and I broke up, but then he lied. He told me that he hadn't of kissed any girls since we broke up and he said that the last time he kissed someone was in his last year of high school... We were dating then. I don't even know what to believe or think.Should I call him out on it?Or should I ask him?Also, I really do love him and he loves me, in fact, hard to believe, but he's still a virgin and I'm not, but he wants to have me be his first. But we haven't done anything yet because I'm scared, he respects me, and stuff. But we talk about it all the time. Should I even believe him? I mean... 11 girls, his only excuse was, "Yeah. I used to be like that." something's bound to happen to you when you kiss 11 girls. Like c'mon.Unbelievable. But he says that he prefers me over those girls because I've been there for him for a really long time, and I'm not a whore, I don't just want him for sex, and (apparently) I'm beautiful.Do you know that feeling where you think you know someone but when you learn more about them you feel like you don't even know them anymore? That's what I feel right now.
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broke up, facebook, jealous, my ex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): What you are upset about is that BF does not use wisdom to ensure he is never left alone with the opposite sex. You just don't accept rides from the opposite sex unless its a trusted family member. You do this to prevent gossip or even such incidents like flashing. He doesn't know if that young woman would have reported it to the police as something more. Wisdom prevents such things in the first place.This also is in keeping with monogamy, fidelity which so many discount or say it is not. Yes it is. Its safe gaurding your character, your integrity and when dating, your relationship.It sounds like you and BF need to come up with your own set of rules and expectations and THEN LIVE THEM to avoid all the games and hurt feelings that is occuring in your dynamic at the moment.I wouldn't trust him either due to the fact he doesn't live by the standards or expectations he has for you. He puts them on you because he knows and understands men and what no sex means to him, may ONLY mean penetrative sex but does not see hand jobs or blow jobs as sex. Some people have a really distorted view of what sex is.So eventhough in his mind, he is keeping you from other men for your 'safety', he should also honour such a code for the relationship.This in itself paints him as untrustworthy. So I can understand why you feel betrayed and hurt as you are currently in love with a hypocrite.Time for a LONG TALK.You sure you want to date an outrageous flirt that can be so mindless he hangs with the opposite sex that throw themselves at him and want to use him for sex?
A
female
reader, LovelyLemon  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 It sounds as though both of you are pretty insecure. Neither of you can handle your partner hanging around with the opposite sex, but yet you both want to do it yourselves. You absolutely have to hold yourself to the same standard that you hold your partner to, or it won't work!
As for the kissing part and the flashing part, you really have to decide for yourself if you think he is lying or not. It doesn't matter how much you love a guy if you can't trust him. You also can't control what he does, nor can he you, so you have to build some sort of mutual trust in order to be successful.
Maybe the two of you should set aside some time for just the two of you, no hanging out with anyone else for awhile, and have some quality time together. talk about what both of you want and expect. Guidelines if necessary. Just be sure to be perfectly honest.
Much love and Best wishes
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