A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Myself and my boyfriend have been together for nine years and have a 2 year old son. I wouldn't say it's been the best, or easiest relationship, and there has been issues in the past but we have had shared some good memories. There have been a few things over the past 6-12 month that I feel have affected our relationship, as a couple, and a family. He works in construction and as a manager is required to do early mornings which I have no problem with, however he is working 6 sometimes 7 days a week so we hardly see him. Our son has really started to notice this recently and gets really upset every morning when he notices his daddy isn't there. Nine times out of ten, he returns home, on the phone to a work colleague talking about work. The first few times I let it slide, but it's 3-4 times a week and it isn't always just the one phone call. He's constantly on his work phone, sending emails. He doesn't switch off, there's just no balance between work and home. When he is at home (we usually see him for 1.5-2 hours of an evening) he is either lay on the sofa, on the phone (texting, scrolling through social media) or watching TV. Now I understand he's been at work all day so is tired but I've also either been with our son (which isn't exactly a chilled day with a toddler) or been at work myself to which I then have to come home and continue being a parent. When I have tried to talk to him in the past about these issues I have, he rolls his eyes, doesn't fully engage in the conversation or look like he wants to be having the discussion, or it leads into an argument because he gets defensive. I try so hard to communicate my feelings because I have bottled them up previously and it's not done me any good. I just feel like our he doesn't communicate well with me, about anything. Sometimes I have to drag a conversation out of him. I think communication is the most important thing to have in a relationship.Another thing is the fact he doesn't give 100% to our son which really frustrates me. He's a great dad, and I know he will do anything for him, but when he's had a long day at work he wants to come home and watch TV - that doesn't happen when you have a child! Yes every now and then but not every single day. I'm passionate about my child's education, teaching him how to be kind, caring, intelligent etc, so I try and spend as much 1-1 time with him (though I will also admit I, like most parents, also put a film on every now and then whilst I get housework or life admin done). I just don't think I'm 'in love' with him anymore but I'm scared to walk away as I don't have anywhere to go (my mother and grandparents have passed away and I am not in contact with my father) and the thought of parenting alone scares me so much. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated.Thankyou!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2022): I think your partner is doing what he can to provide for the family.
If you always want to have a conversation about what is not going well then he will want to back off.
Because you need to make him feel included in the family.
Your son will see less of his dad if you separate and a two year old should be in bed quite early in the evening.
Maybe your man isn't good at the childcare side of things.
Two year olds have limited conversational skills and limited understanding.
So maybe you are just expecting too much from everyone, including yourself and you should start by counting all the good things you have in life rather than focussing on the negatives.
You're probably doing as well as any other couple at the moment!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2022): Of course you are scared when you are completely dependant on him! You don't work, you earn no money, why woouldn't you be scared? It would be crazy if you weren't. So fear in your situation is completely normal.
Your husband works a lot to ptovide for all of you. But he has also chosen NOT TO BE PRESENT. That's something that is obvious frol your post. WHat time he has, he spends the way he likes it and what he likes to do does not involve you or your son.
Now, not to add more on your plate, but have you ever thought that he too is unhappy with your marriage? That he's living a parallel life. Maybe noty cheating but defintely surviving by being outside for as much as possible and being mentally and emotionally absent when he is physically present?
Before you do anything concering your marriage, you have to do whatever you can to become independant as a woman and as a mother. Focus your energy on yourself. Educate and emancipate yourself. Then you can think about what you want with the marriage. You will be abmle to talk with your husband as an equal.
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