A
female
age
30-35,
*oveshimithink
writes:Me and my guy have been together for a year and 6 months,but we had sex before then we just were hook up pals that was never serious until now so our past was rocky from the jump start, and we both messed and fooled around on each other at the beginning,but things started to change and we decided that we both did have strong feelings because we never left each other or anything.Sometimes even now i can go through his phone and see some girls bbm messaging him and then he lies about where he staying, but he doesnt stay with me when my parents are out of town..i dont know what to think about that! He caught me messaging a guy i work with and i called him sexy a few timess and we really wanted to hang out and just get to know each other better, and he went crazy telling me i did him wrong and that he loves me, and saying i wasnt commited to him.. but the fact is i am about to be 19 and he is 21, i dont know if i really ready to just be a one man woman i mean hell i still a kid who lives at home with mama and daddy! I deleted my Facebook and every guy out of my phone just to make him happy and stay but even know after all that he still says i dont deserve a hug or kiss or anything..What do i do i dont know if i should stay and keep feeling like shit for just talking to someone or get over it..I do know that i love him i think..i mean he is the only guy i have ever felt soo attached to i was just looking for a little attention and all it got me was too brokenheartsville.I know if he leaves me i will be severly upset and wouldnt know what to do at all.I want to be with him at the same time, but i also believe that i do deserve some kind of attention not the way it is right now!Soo!please help me!
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female
reader, loveshimithink +, writes (4 July 2011):
loveshimithink is verified as being by the original poster of the question well thanks for the help we talked everything through and we are back to almost normal and we are going to work to make our relationship work where we eventually love each other and be in a committed relationship and he hoping by christmas we at the stage we will get engaged and have a family when i get done with school
A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 You LIKE him not LOVE him. Stop fooling yourself and him and for godsake. There's no going back now so set him free to search for what he wants. You wanted attention and you got that too. Nothing bad with this and you being free and wanting more experience in life.
Make him know this fact and remind him what made you both start this FWB. Denying the truth would only hurt him even more.
This was never a relationship so you shouldn't also expect anything more from him now. Leave with respect instead of turning this flame into full blown fire of hurt and anger which would eventually burn both of you.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (2 July 2011):
 You are right in questioning the way your relationship started. I have been in the same situation before, and it just feels like an awful cycle with no clear solution.
Trust is the foundation of a strong, committed relationship. When you meet someone and start a monogamous relationship, a single instance of finding your partner has been unfaithful, either sexually or emotionally, will be reason enough to threaten the commitment that has been made.
Now, the situation is very confusing because there was not a clear line drawn between the open relationship and the monogamous relationship. From what you have described, it is almost like you are both trying to eventually arrive at a commitment by steps.
It is also obvious that neither of you are done looking at other people as potential interests.
The Catch 22 here is that you are probably feeling hesitant to stop pursuing any other interests because you aren't sure he will be faithful. He is probably thinking something similar!
You both have your guns drawn, waiting on the other to stand down.
My honest opinion is that there will never be trust between the two of you because of all that has happened. You can't undo what has been done.
Maybe you should have a serious discussion with him. Make sure you are both sober, and not in the midst of any big argument.
Discuss with him what is making you hesitant to continue with the relationship. Ask him if he is ready to set aside all of the back and forth with other people.
Unless you can both reach a point where you don't feel the need to constantly check up on each other, question his whereabouts, and be on your guard then it is not going to get any easier to be in a relationship.
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