A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I'm sorry this is long. I am still in love with my best friend. We have been friends since 8th grade. I'm 19 and he is now 20. I have always had feelings for him and I eventually had to move away to another country. If I wouldn't have moved away, we would have been together. I even dated a guy to try to get over him, but obviously that did not work. He has a girlfriend now, and they have been together for at least 2 years now. He seems happy with her, but he still contacted me every now and then. We've had a long talk about what happened between us, and he would call me at like 1AM. I don't know if his gf knew about that. His gf obviously doesn't like me either. He will always be my best friend no matter what, but it still hurts to see them together. I just want him happy, but I can't ignore the stuff he says to me through messages on facebook. We have even skyped once. He will talk to me then for a while he will just ignore me, and that hurts.I feel stupid for jumping at the chance to talk to him. When he texts back, I respond quickly.. I've cried about this many times. I don't know if being friends with him is worth it anymore. Should I just give up? I honestly think I love him, and there isn't any other guy for me. I have tried to move on, but I seriously can't.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): OP here. Thanks for everyone's advice. He has said he'll always have some feelings for me, but I really wish he wouldn't have told me that. I've been trying to get over it. I will eventually. Thanks for the advice though. I'm sorry some of you went through the same thing. It really does suck. :(
A
female
reader, peacelovecandy +, writes (4 December 2011):
 My ex-boyfriend does the same thing to me every so often. We dated four years ago, and broke up because he went away to college. He's graduating college soon, and decides to IM me every few weeks with these heart-felt messages. They make me cry so hard - and I get so confused. I think that, out of all my boyfriends, I only truly loved him. I always would wish that we'd get back together, and we're both in relationships now. Mine is complicated and long distance, and his is apparently not working out. We talked a few weeks ago, and he was telling me he was moving back soon and that we should hang out like "old times". That day, we talked from about 4PM to 2AM - almost nonstop. After that, he's been ignoring me since. It breaks my heart. I do care about my current boyfriend, but I can't do anything about my ex.
So my advice to you: try your hardest to stop thinking about him. Give up temporarily and date other people. If it's meant to be, he'll come back to you and everything will work out. It might just be a bad time. Good luck! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): I was in this situation last year. I was in love with my best male friend and he had a girlfriend. He knew I had feelings for him, so I was honest with him and told him simply that I was happy he had someone, but that I needed some time to get over my feelings for him so he wouldn't be hearing from me for a bit of time until I could get over those feelings. I also told him that I value his friendship and I would return, I just needed to do it for myself. I kept my word and didn't contact him and worked on getting over my feelings for him, it was hard, but I had to try. He contacted me 4 months later and told me he had spent the last 2 months trying to sort himself out, he had been single for those 2 months and was getting his life sorted. He had come to realise that he loved me too and wanted to make it work, if I still wanted him. After talking and spending time together, and him working to try and win me (even though I still am in-love him) we are in a happy relationship and very much in-love. I was lucky and it doesn't always work out that way, but friendship is special, and you don;t want to throw it away without trying to make it work. Be honest with him as to why you need some time to get over your feelings, and when you do you can be best friends again. Who knows he may surprise you in a few months and wake up to what a wonderful woman you are. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): Hi,
I'm so sorry for the pain you're in! I've been there and it sucks... so much.
A lot of people are going to tell you to distance yourself from the friendship if it's painful, but I think that you have to see things from the other person's vantage point. What if a friend broke off contact with you, for no reason? It would hurt so much, wondering ''why doesn't she care about me anymore?'' and ''what did I do?'' I know how much it hurts, but you shouldn't turn your back on a friend. You should be sincere with him, because in a friendship there has to be confidence. Tell him how you feel... I don't want to raise false hopes, because like you siad, he has a gf and they seem happy. But, what IF he harbored feelings for you? I am not saying that he DOES have feelings for you, but as much as you love him you should be courageous and tell him about your feelings, and even if he doesn't return them, at least you'll have your answer. Perhaps that's what you need... closure! Who knows HOW he feels? that's why there HAS to be communication in a relationship.
If you must distance yourself from him, tell him why you feel the way you feel and although you care for him you need some time alone to heal. But don't turn your back on him, as friends should be forever, without conditions. I know how tough this is for you, but doing what is easy is different than doing what's right.
Good luck! I hope you feel better soon.
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