A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am with my bf for 3 years. I am still not feeling secured in the relationship, he often throws words like im bored with u, i would like to take a break, i would like to hug my boss (lady) very tight, my lady boss has big b..bs, things like that.Yesterday he asked me to book tickets for our christmas vacation, today when i checked with him about flight time, he got annoyed that im pestering him and he wants to cancel the trip for no reason. i was very much looking forward to this trip.He gets annoyed when i look sad or hurt when he says hurtful words, i have to pretend as if everything is ok when he says he is gonna leave me soon and he wants me to pretend as if he never agreed to the christmas trip and does not want me to talk about itI really dont know how to save this relationship. please help me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 December 2013):
 Like many other submissions from women with poor judgment this one falls under the heading 'For Christ's Sake!.
OP, you cannot save this relationship, but you can save your dignity and your spiritual, psychological and emotional well being by leaving your boyfriend at the curb with yesterday's trash.
The reason he gets annoyed when you look hurt is because he is repulsed by your total lack of self respect. He can't believe you stick around after the way he treats you. Frankly, it's a huge turn off.
It's not what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear. Take care of unpleasant business in what remains of this year and make a fresh start in 2014.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 December 2013):
What is there to save? You're dating an insensitive jerk, and for whatever reason you crave his approval. Realize the unhealthy reality of this situation and find a good guy.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 December 2013):
I think after three years the two of you should be able to talk about these matters. I do not think this relationship sounds like it has been going on for three years, it sounds like a teenager relationship of 1 Month.
It could be that he is causing all these issues in order for you to break up with him. He wants to be free of any guilt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): Why bother? You didn't list a single thing about the relationship worth saving. You're just his whipping post and he says hurtful things to you.
When guys start using you for a doormat, they're waiting for you to give up and just leave in frustration. It starts to become a twisted habit of saying whatever trash comes to mind; just to see how much you'll take before you cave in.
It's cruel and sick. It makes you look weak and pathetic.
Once you come to the end of your rope. You'll give up and crawl away. That means you'll be out of commission and he can party like it's 1999 and never run into to you.
It saves him drama of trying to break up with you, and he won't have to worry about you stalking him once you leave out of defeat and humiliation.
Do yourself a favor and boot that A-hole to the curb.
Being alone doesn't feel half as bad as listening to someone talk down to you like you're some kind of idiot.
My heart goes out to you. Dump him and spend the holidays with your family and friends.
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A
male
reader, devont  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 Firstly, his behaviour is not really acceptable. He's not treating you well at all, you deserve better.
I think he has already mentally ended the relationship with you unfortunately and I don't think you can save it.
I think it might be best if you thought about what you want and considered leaving him. It's not fair for him to mess you around and say he's going to leave etc. I would let him leave instead. Make him pack his bags!
I'm not really sure why you WANT to save the relationship. There is someone much better out there for you and you are only hurting yourself by staying.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 December 2013):
 I don't think you CAN save it. It's doomed because he treats you like a doormat and you just take it.
He seem to have zero respect for you. Why are you with him? What exactly is that you love about him? It certainly can't be the way he treats you or talk to you.
After 3 years you still don't feel secure? That is another red flag. I'm willing to bet that IF you stayed with this guy for another 5 years you would STILL NOT feel secure. He LIKES to have you on edge.
Do you think you can't do better then him? Or why are you with him?
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