A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My bf's family don't make me feel very welcome when I spend time with them.My bf can obviously see that me and his family don't really "connect" type of thing and this upsets him that I don't get along like as if I am part of their family. The thing is though, he blames me for it all! I feel that is really unfair. The first time I met his parents they didnt make ANY attempt to talk to me. The only thing they said to me, was literally just 'hello' and then they turned their bodies and faces away from me and talked amongst themselves not even looking at me etc. That made me feel pretty bad and I guess that made me scared of talking to them from there on end because I felt like they had no interest in me. Since then, they still havent made any attempt to get to know me. I feel like they should be trying harder because they are the ones in their comfort zone. I am the one surrounded by a big new family etc. I am quite a shy person too, but because his family are giving me cold signs it makes me even more shy than normal.To add to all of this, I am not the only one who feels like his family are un-welcoming. My bf's sister has a bf and he agrees with me. He feels left out like as if they dont want to get to know him etc. He has been with her for 2 years now and nothing has changed. They barely talk to him at all. He tries to avoid their family functions at all costs now. But they are very big on family things as they spend pretty much every weekend together. When my bf's sister's bf is out of the room, his whole family complain about how they dont like him etc. This makes me think, what do they say and think about me behind my back? There reasons for not likeing him are very shallow in my opinion. They dont like him because he doesnt have a high paying job. I think that is so superficial. I have spent a fair bit of time getting to know him because we are both the "outcasts" in there family and he is a really nice guy. He really cares for their daughter and he treats her so well. He is interesting to talk to and he is actually quite intelligent. But just because he doesnt have a high paying job they dont like him. I dont know why they dont like me...but they just seem like they dont. I am honestly intimidated by them. This is why I find it hard to talk to them. They give me the cold sholder, make no effort and they hate my bf's sisters bf and they have judged him so unfairly. What do I do? How do I make my bf see that this isnt all my fault. Obviously since his sisters bf feels the same way, I am not in the "wrong" as such.
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 October 2009):
It sounds like the parents are having a lot of trouble accepting that their children have now got lives of their own. But, let's be honest, if your boyfriend is blaing you entirely, then he's hardly a knight in shining armour is he. He should be standing up for you! You're his girlfriend. If he's not, and he's blaming you, then maybe you'd be better off moving on and finding someone who will love you and not side against you for no reason
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female
reader, Shzagem  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 You can either Run.... or you can stay and try to to make the effort to force them to get to know you. I know its very intimidating. Some families are just plain weird. I think your BF's perspective may be a little skewed because in his eyes, his family is normal. His sister's bf may not be accepted as much because he seems to do things his way. If he doesn't feel appreciated he doesn't partake in the family events. Not that I can blame him... afterall, you admitted that they've treated him like an outcast. A way to make an effort to force the family to get to know you would be to invite them over to your place and make dinner for them. It's a great way to show your BF you are making an effort and because it's at your place, you will feel more at ease. Ask your BF what they enjoy eating and show them you cared to take the time to get to know what they like. Your efforts should pay off! If they don't... RUN! Eventually you'll tire yourself out and find youself emotionally spent.
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