A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Maintaining a long-term relationship with my boyfriend of five years has become unbearable for a while now, more so that he's away for two months to work in another country. I am deeply hurt knowing that his family never approved of me. I guess I am not good enough. I love him but I can't pretend that everything is fine when it is not. I will give anything just to have their approval. My boyfriend never wanted me to assume, but this is clearly where I stand with his family. For five years, I have never been invited to any of their family gatherings, maybe they lived far from my house but of all the occasions and celebrations - I can count the times that I've only seen and met his folks. They are civil and doesn't seem like they are against me or anything. They don't really talk to me as much as I would like to. However, what bothers me is that they don't seem to care that I'm their son's girlfriend. Once when we went out to have dinner (unplanned) with them a few months back, my boyfriend and I arrived late at the restaurant and sat on a different table far from them. I guess the place is packed that time but it was rather awkward as I feel that I am not welcome that I had to sit a few tables apart from them with my boyfriend. THey paid for what we ordered but the indifference was very much felt in that scenario. I asked my boyfriend what his folks think of me but he said nothing seems to be wrong as they are not saying anything but I feel they are indifferent towards me from the first time I met his family up to this day. I have noone to tell my story to. My friends and my own family never had a clue. Now that he is gone for a while, it is becoming more apparent. Almost everyone in my family knows about him, about us. I know I can't based my relationship on what others think but it's affecting me. I love him but I am afraid that all the love will be put into waste. I want to fight for this relationship but I can't do it alone. I don't know if my boyfriend see it the same way as I do. I am very hurt and losing hope. I need to know how I can make this work. Please help me understand. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): They sound indifferent but perhaps they wonder whether the relationship with your boyfriend is going anywhere as 5 years is a long time with little real progress. I think you need to focus on your relationship and its future and less on his family. Speak to your boyfriend about your future. I do understand your concern for not being accepted but as they have not been overtly rude to your face they are just acting distant and 'aloof' so to speak then I think they are simply wondering what is going on. It is your boyfriends responsibility to increase your profile within his family and to share his feelings about you with them.
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