A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend who i grew up with has had so many problems that effect his daily life, the main being when he was younger he had to have ear ventilation tubes and this has effected his speech a lot. He has a stutter and takes a while to get his words out, which has really knocked his self confidence badly!! He doesn't like to socialize with people and has bad communication skills which is upsetting. I want him to overcome this, because he is genuinely very intellectual, caring, sincere and the nicest person i have ever know!! I feel bad when i see how he struggles and trys really hard to deliver his words properly, without stuttering but obviously he can't help it. And what i hate so much, is that people don't give him a chance because they get shut him off and irritated with him for this, it's just rude!He has no confidence because of this problem and i know he has purposely alienated himself! He is now quite reserved which is sad, because he never used to be like this. I want him to gain back self confidence because i know how much he wishes he was confident in himself and around other people. When he talks to someone who is actually taking an interest (which isn't very often) or just when someone asks him a simple question about his day, i see how happy he is! Which really makes me smile, because he is getting the attention he deserves!!I want him to feel good about himself. Be confident outgoing, socialize enjoy his life and everything in it. Just to be the person that i know he wishes he could be!I just don't know where or how to start.....
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 My brother had the same procedure done, actually, and with the same result. He struggled for a long time with it, and still has a very distinctive speech pattern. It helped him a little to deliberately slow down every word a little, but the stutter is still there. He's very eloquent in writing, though.
What really helped with his confidence was finding a physical outlet for his energy. He took up karate and basketball on his own; we took up rock climbing together, and went camping a lot with our dad. It gave him the confidence of accomplishing something, and when he met people (say, at a game or exhibition) they had a chance to see him in action before they heard him speak. Their first impression was always of a confident, dedicated, decent guy. When he'd speak, most people would be willing to take the time to listen - not all, but most. I don't know if this is unique to him or not, but he can talk about camping or karate without stuttering now.
For your friend, it doesn't have to be sports - though if its his physique you're concerned about, you can get to be a decent swimmer or martial artist regardless of your size and build, given enough effort. Just have to pick carefully. Anything where he can accomplish something real without words, or meet people whose first impression will be of his actions and demeanor, not speech. Music, crafts, sports, anything that requires mental and physical effort rather than speech. Writing may help, but is not as good for meeting people - he'll have to use his jugdment on that.
Best of luck, sincerely, to both of you.
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