A
male
age
36-40,
*p1187
writes:OK, here is my situation..if there is any advice I would appreciate it. Me and my ex dated for 5 months or so and it was great, we'd fight some then have sex to vent frustrations. I lived 30 minutes from her and couldn't drive, so when we did see each other we'd either have sex or argue and maybe hit a movie or two. When we talked positive it was magic. Anyways moving on, she dumps me roughly a month ago and dates an ex of hers 3 days later. I am nice and probably a pushover (and stupid) but I have spent the last month talking to her, pointing out that I still love her and if she ever wants to come back I'm here, even though she is happy and having sexual relations with him (she told me she may be pregnant). We have finally decided since she gave up on caring if I call or not because of my dialogue with her that we shouldn't talk for awhile and actually take a break (we've only missed 3 days talking in 8 1/2 months). I am struggling to survive this; the YMCA and parties are what I rely on in place of talking to her for hours. I will always have hope that one day when we're single she will come back. What should I do?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 You have come across too needy, and that has killed whatever attraction was there to begin with. In my experience, the only way to get her to find you attractive enough to ever consider you again, is for her to know and see you date other women. The more women, the better. She needs to be reminded that other women want you, and thus, she will want you too.
Cut off all contact. Work on yourself...only 5 months, and being this needy for someone indicates that your life is not a full one yet. It is unhealthy (as well as unattractive).
I got back my ex-fiance, and got over her, and wrote a book about it. You can read some of the pages for free in the book preview. Check out the link in my profile information. It is called From Loser to Seducer.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 It seems to me that your ex has made her decision. Don't sound so desperate when you chat with her, let her think things are fine with you, even if they're not. The more keen you are on her the more she'll push you away. Women like a challenge you see and don't always want their men to "lie at their feet" so to speak.
You sound really lonely, as if she was your life. You sound an intelligent guy though and you're still young. There are loads of women out there that would love your company. Why don't you join a Youth Club? You'll meet lots of interesting people there. Do you have a hobby? Something you've always wanted to do but never got round to it? Join a club for painting, pottery, photography or whatever interests you. Don't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself as if your life is finished. You can even offer your services and do some voluntary work, work with others who need your help. You CAN do this! After a few weeks of mingling with others you'll look back on this and wonder what you even saw in her!
We go out with people to see if we're compatible. She's obviously decided that you and her are not compatible but that's fine, that's why we date. I truly believe that everyone has a soul mate, she wasn't yours but she is out there! Build up your confidence and self esteem. Tell yourself you are a wonderful person and you deserve better. Here are a few sites you can look up that will help you get back on track.
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
http://pickbrains.com/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidence
http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_confidence_tips.htm
I have also given you a site that will help you get over your ex. Have a look at it then close the door on it. Only THEN will another door open for you. Take time out to "find yourself" and know exactly what you want from life then GO FOR IT!!!!
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
Always remember - You have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future. And you become what you THINK.
Eve
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