A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to get my g/f of 2 years to feel more secure about herself. She's really quite attractive, intelligent, and has a good job. I guess I'm not very good and doling out praise or compliments but she always looks nice. We get along well most of the time, except when I have to work in the field with another female, who I have a great time clowning around with and enjoy working with, but don't have any feelings for otherwise. She tends to ask me alot of questions, like how old the woman is or if she's married or not and when I have to go out of town on business she's always asking me who is going with me, and worrying that it'll be this girl. I'm not used to being questioned so I get annoyed with her. Women do sometimes find me attractive I guess, and they flirt with me in front of her. I'm just a regular-Joe and I'd never cheat on her anyhow. But my last g/f was in her 20's so she feels like I notice every 20-something woman when we go out. (My g/f is around 40 and closer to my age). Sometimes I do notice them but I'm with her and that's all that should matter. Sometimes she says I'm too friendly with other women and she think I'm sending out "signals" but it's just my nature to care about other people. The girl I work with in the field recently told me she's getting a divorce and my g/f thinks I should keep my relationship with her on a more professional level and not talk so much about personal stuff. I'm just trying to help her sort out her life right now. Also my g/f complains that I don't show her enough affection when we go places together but I figure, I'm with her, so obviously I want to be there, right? I just don't know why it's so important to hold her hand and act like a dopey 17-year-old boy. I'm not into that. Also when I'm stressed out I tend to get very short with my g/f and sometimes lose my temper and probably say some pretty harsh things to her that I later regret. I know it hurts her feelings and I do apologize when I've acted like a jerk. Her friends all think I am no good for her because I don't kiss her ass I guess. I think she over-analyses our relationship and reads too much into things that are going on around us. But I don't know what to do. I'm tired of being under the microscope.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 You said, "I just don't know why it's so important to hold her hand and act like a dopey 17-year-old boy. I'm not into that."
Just want to look at this separately. THis stems from a woman's emotional need of "Fear of Abandonment". Signs of affection from men reassures her that you will not abandon her as you publicly are giving a sign that YOU choose her. Get it?
-Frank B Kermit
Author, "Everything Out of Her Mouth is a Test: A Man's Guide to the Emotional Needs of Women."
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (20 June 2007):
There is nothing you can do to make someone feel good about themselves. It is not your job, and not in your power. All you can do is love her, and support her...but she needs to find that self-love on her own. You can not force someone to love themselves.
You may want to be very careful. If she is that insecure, you have no way of knowing if the only reason she is with you is becuase she is too insecure to leave you. Keep this in mind if you plan a future together.
-FBK
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