A
female
age
30-35,
*yyedarling@aol.com
writes:This isn't really about relationship, dating, love, or sex but I need help anyways. Well, actually I guess it could count as a relationship because I have a daughter/dad relationship with my dad.Well I'm fifteen. My dad has been out of my life a lot... in prison, selling drugs. All the bad things but he was never a bad father to me, besides not always being there. After being in prison for about 5 years he got out a few months ago and it's hard for me to act like he's really my dad. I call my stepdad my dad, before I'd call my real dad dad, dad but he's been in the hospital for over a week now and... he's dying. I don't know how to fix all the bad things I've said to him, like about a month ago, me and my mom got in the hugest argument and I said "just because you, daddy, and Lisa (my sister) are fuck up's doesn't mean I'm gonna end up one!" and my mom called my dad and I threw the phone and yelled that he hasn't been here for me like a real father is supposed to, so I'm not gonna call him my father! and well, I just don't know how to fix all this. I want him to know I love him dearly before he passes. I just don't know how, without feeling like a complete and total idiot and bad daughter. help???
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female
reader, Rabb88 +, writes (22 April 2009):
 My father passed away a year ago, and there were so many things that I regret not saying to him.
If you truly do love your father, tell him. He is human, and no human is perfect through out life. He made some mistakes, that I'm sure he's not too proud of. In spite of everything he may have done in the past, it doesn't change how much he loves you.
It's extremely easy to tell a person that you love them while they're still here to listen. But it becomes very hard to tell them after they're gone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): Maybe, just maybe, you need to tell him, that even though he wasn't there - the times he was meant something. Something to you.
You have learnt one thing from him at least and that is to be different from him - if that is the case then he would be proud of you. (I know I would be) I don't think you get away without feeling an idiot, but maybe that's part of it too.
just tell him. You don't have time to mess around - just tell, tell him him what you have always wanted to say.
Hugs, star.X.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 hun you can't fix the past, hat's done is done. he acted like a bad father because of his own life experiences and possibly because of how he was raised but most of all he made many mistakes because he is human and none of us are PERFECT! You might have said/done some hurtful things because you are young and you too are human. It would be good if you could go visit him(this would make him very happy) and tell him that you love him in your own way and please tell him that you forgive him(don't talk to much about the past and don't remind him of bad times. he needs to die in peace and you need to find forgiveness(be kind to him, this is your last chance with him, be a good person and give a dying man a drop of happiness and let him die without regret and heartache.
good luck sweetie, things will be ok in the long run:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): When people learn that death is something that's coming sooner rather than later, they usually 'get real' and fast. It wouldn't surprise me at all if your father would be very content to forget everything you said, and be grateful for the chance to set things right before he goes.
Don't worry about feeling like a fool. Do what you need to do while you have the chance. One of the least productive things you can do with your life is regret stuff you could have changed when you have the chance. Don't give yourself those regrets.
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A
male
reader, Romroz  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Just be there..
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A
male
reader, Biff160 +, writes (21 April 2009):
It's not even about who was a bad father or daughter, it's about making amens for the things we do in this life. The best thing you can do is visit him in the hospital and just be there. Sometimes you don't even need to say it but show it. Visit him and hug him. Don't start in depth conversations about specific events. If he apoligizes, forgive him. Forgiveness is so important, not just for the person who comitted the act, but the one who was wronged.
It has nothing to do with how bad or good he was but how you feel when he is gone. Make sure you do not have serious regrets when he passes.
This is never an easy time but make the most of the situation and let him leave this world with at least a bit of peace of mind for you both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): Well, if you don't sort things out you may regret it. He may not be the best dad or have set a good example but at the end of the day he is still your dad. If you didn't mean those things you said to him, visit him in hospital and tell him you're sorry. You may not have that chance again. He won't think you're a bad daughter. I'm sure he loves you and is proud of you, so please don't feel bad.
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male
reader, Romroz +, writes (21 April 2009):
For get what they they say what does your heart say.. i mean do you you love him for better or worse or ?
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female
reader, bab4life18 +, writes (21 April 2009):
 if you want to fix what you said just trying going to the hospital where he is and telling him you love him. if you feel as though you can't say it to him try making a recording on a cd or even use a video camera and then take it to the hospital and tell the nurse to play it for him that way he will know and you will feel so much better and not choked for words. your not a bad daughter so don't think that all teens go through that stage of hating their parents they know you love them no matter what. hope this helps good luck!!
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Your dad and my dad are exactly the same! When I was your age, my dad came back into my life after being M.I.A for 10 years, and while I thought I'd be getting a father in my life, I got a friend. He'd leave me home for weeks at a time with no food, etc, and come home married to some girl only 3 or 4 years older than me. I was forced to drop out of school and get a job so I could support myself. Anyway, I left him a year later, and said some pretty hurtful things (none of which were not true, however). I got a bit older and realized that I wasnt the woman I should be and it was because my father wasnt involved in my life, and thats when I decided to seek him out and make a mends. Truth is, no one is perfect, and my father made a lot of mistakes that I learned planty from. I also learned that just because he wasnt around, did not mean that I didnt have similar traits as he does. We are a lot alike in many ways that matter. I love my dad, and I let him know, and even though we don't hang out every day, we talk often over the phone, and I let him talk to my kids and he sends money and gifts to them. He is a much better grandpa than a dad!
Go see your dad, tell him that you didnt mean what you said, but you feel a little raw about him not being there, because you missed him greatly. Tell him what he missed in your life that was important to you. Don't be mean about it, but get the closure you and your father need. Good luck hon, and try to remember, at 15 years old, many of us think and behave irrationally. It's a phase in your life you will out grow.
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female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Why should you make an effort when he hasn't been a good father? I wouldn't call being in prison and drug dealing being a good father!
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