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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I think I just needed a bit of a rant and I didn't know who to talk to about this.I met a great guy 1.5 years ago. It was on vacation and my aunt introduced us (he's close with her family)...we hit it off and hung out all night and had a great time.We've stayed in touch over the past year and a half, and bizarrely I've developed some kind of feelings for him. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Well being the stupid idiotic optimist that I am, I was always ignoring others' comments about me wasting my time crushing on him, and I had some stupid hope in the back of my mind that things could work out between us, because he seemed interested too.But I've come to realize quite a lot of things lately and it's just killing me. For starters, I don't even know him. We hung out one night. 99% of our contact has been through writing, and realistically he could be pretending everything. Maybe he's made up his friends and stories and interests and what he does on the weekends. I have no idea. I've developed e-feelings for someone that I don't know. I know things ABOUT him (providing they're true) but I don't know HIM.Second, because he's so far away, nothing could ever work out. I'm off to college and will be changing drastically over the next few years, and any relationship I have with him would probably be crushed instantly. We're planning on hanging out again next summer, and seeing each other once a year is nowhere near enough.Third, he's quite a lot older than me. I'm 18 and he's in his mid 20s. I'm an adult legally, but in many ways I'm still a child. I don't know the first thing about buying a house, mortgages, paying bills, nothing. I've only just got my first car...whereas he's been in the adult world forever. We get along amazingly (again, we did that one night) and it seems we have a plethora of things in common...but the fact is he's much older and at a different stage of life and it just couldn't work.I feel so dumb writing this, because i can literally feel the tears beginning to start. Whether I know the real him or not, I have gotten to know someone who is so sweet and genuine and funny and smart and I really care about him.And so this is where you come in. I don't want to have feelings for him anymore. They're stupid and hopeless and nothing can ever come of this. It's tearing me up inside...I guess this is what heartbreak is. I don't like it one bit...please, give me any and every piece of advice you have about how to stop caring for someone. I want to continue being friends with him, but I know if I do, these feelings will never go away. I am so lost. How can I get over him without losing the friendship too?
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male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 Hello again,
sorry, i read your post wrongly..
well dosent your answer answer your own question then? or are oyu asking whether its a good idea or not?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): Hi, I'm the one who wrote this. Thanks for the responses3
Thomas--I'm not going to ignore him for another guy. There is no other guy at all..I'm just doing this for myself. I want to stop this before I get in any deeper...it'll only be more painful if I let it go farther.
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A
male
reader, Thomas17 +, writes (15 November 2006):
Hello,
dont worry about age.. my aunt is wayy old.. shes 40+ and my uncle is in his 30s.. hah. now THATS old.
okay okay, now thats just mean to totally ignore him, just for another man. he CAN be a friend but nothing more, or less. imagine how would HE feel if you ignored him. you may be just ONE of the girls he talks to constantly, but trust me, from a guy he takes this blow really deep.
just keep in touch once in awhile.. dosent mean you have to shoo him off for a man.
see how things go and you should be fine.
make a good choice.
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A
female
reader, thenabear +, writes (15 November 2006):
 My grandmother told me once that a women will hang desperatley to the the very last strand of hope. As females and romantics it takes us much longer to bury our emotions. There is no advice on how to stop caring about someone. The bitterness of loss and the pain of a broken heart are only cured with time. Allow yourself to feel the pain and loss of losing him. even though realistically you never really had him. But still..Greive the loss. Only after you except it. Feel it. Can you truely get over it. I will not in any way shape or form ever advice someone to bury their feelings. It is emotionally unhealthy. Take a deep breath. Tell yourself it's not gonna happen in a romantic sense. Have a good cry, and move on.
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