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male
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anonymous
writes: How do I ask a girl out? There is a girl and all I know is her name - but I think she has given me flirty looks. (think). But I know nothing else but her age and where she lives. It's driving me mad - I want to go out with her!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 July 2005):
 Here's a quick thought from the female perspective: Find out something about her. Then make an informed decision about whether you REALLY want to go out with her.
You know how sometimes you can bite into a perfect-looking apple and find out that it's all soft and floury inside? And how sometimes you find that you're surprised when something that doesn't look that promising turns out to be fantastic? Well, women can be a little like that too. Sometimes a great-looking one turns out to have no substance at all, and sometimes a more ordinary looking one grows on you. But the point is, you won't know if you don't spend a little time talking to her in the first place and getting to know what kind of person she is.
(For the record, some beautiful women are also delightful human beings - damn their perfection! - and some homely women are also bitter and twisted. But my advice still stands. You don't know what they're really like until you spend a little time interacting.)
So, go up to and say hello. That's not asking too much, is it? Where do you know her from? School? Your workplace? A social setting? Make some small talk about something you both have in common: a book you were both assigned to read, a comical co-worker getting his comuppance, a silly workplace policy, a movie that you saw her coming out of. Or ask her how she happened to get involved with the place where you normally see her, e.g. "Have you been doing karate very long?"
Then, when you've been talking for a bit (and by "a bit" I mean long enough for there not to be uncomfortably long silences where one of you says "Ummmmm..." and the other giggles), then suggest that you get together later.
This is my idea of a Great Pick-Up Line from a gentleman: "It's so much fun talking with you. I'd like to talk more often. Would you like to get together for lunch/dinner/a movie/after the karate competition one day?" Maybe it isn't perfect, but it's honest, and succinct.
Good luck!
A
reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (24 July 2005):
Hey, man. Don't do what I did and waste half of highschool windowshopping. I call it that because that's what it is. Say you're in the mall looking at stuff you want. Some things you really want, some you know you don't, and the rest you glance at without really looking. Then there's the thing you want most. For me, it's the awesome Benchmade knife in Bladeworks. Whenever I walk by it, my eyes light up and I stare at it until I get dragged away by a concerned friend. I fantasize about how good it would be to have it. See, I know I don't have enough money to get that knife, so I leave the stand with a deep sigh. And here's where my dumb example isn't true to life: girls aren't material possessions. There isn't a single one you know you can't get until you ask them. You hook up with one or get rejected by one with just a question, not money (unless you're into that sort of thing). What if I could go into the local games store and ask for a copy of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Me: Hey Babbage's guy, I was looking at the new Grand Theft Auto and I want it.
Guy: Alright, sure. You look like a cool guy, have fun!
Me: Aren't you going to ring that up? Don't I owe you like 50 bucks?
Guy: No, I want you to have it.
Me: SWEET
How much better would it be to get a date with a girl I was crazy about than a copy of a cool game or even the knife? Think about it. Steel yourself up and ask. Any female readers, I meant no offense and I do not think women are objects or trophies that can be bought or won. Just making a wild metaphor here for our friend.
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