A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is one girl I really like who's really fun-loving and excitable; but I just don't know how to do anything other than talk to her as a friend, and in kind of an uptight way too. I really want to ask her out, but I don't know where to go, or how to ask, and even if I went on a date with her, I just don't have the flirting gene. I'm just incapable of anything other than quite serious conversations. She is very social and very excitable with her friends, none of whom (of course) I know; however, she is also smart and talks to me quite seriously when we do meet. She also mentioned one time just needing to spend most of her day alone (not as a brush-off, but talking about her weekend), so I wonder if she has deeper interests.I actually have quite romantic feelings and impulses; unfortunately, I can't really express them in any kind of normal context. I've been thinking about asking her to a play or a film, or a concert: something which I can talk about quite emotively. The thing is, this still wouldn't deal with my inability to do small talk, and would she come if I don't have a very casual relationship already?I only see her twice a week, absent accidental run-ins, as we're in the same class. Apart from any advice as to my general situation, which would be greatly appreciated, a big question (or set of questions) would be this:Given all of my, uh, issues, how can I get to know her in a better way than talking to her on the way back from class? Where should I ask her? Should I ask her? What are the preconditions for asking her out to any different place in any different way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): I would say just ask her u seem sweet just go for it the worst thing is not knowing
A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (2 November 2010):
u seem really sweet, id be pretty happy if a guy like u asked me out. dont worry about rejection, most girls love to be asked out, i know i do!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 I think you should just plunge in and ask her out to a concert or something with you. Do something that you enjoy. And as you said she was fun-loving, she might be up to just about anything!
You don't have to flirt if you aren't good at it. Flirting is basically a way to court someone, letting them know you like them and testing the waters to see if they like you back. Another way to find this out is to simply ask her out on a date. If you enjoy her company, and she enjoys yours, you wont need the flirting. Flirting is also typically friendly teasing or saying things to make the other person laugh.
You don't need those things if she's a person who could match your type of personality. I suggest you wait with the romantic things until you are in a relationship though, as to not come on too strongly.
Being nice to one another is often associated with flirting too, just so you know. So even if you don't think you are flirting, by simply showing an interest in talking to her she could think that you are already flirting with her.
If you want to ask her out in a more casual way, you could ask if she'd like to have a cup of coffee with you after class at a nearby place, or ask to have lunch with her at your school (if you have a cafeteria or places you typically go to eat for lunch).
There are no preconditions for asking someone out. If you like them you ask. If they like you back, or are intrigued, they will say yes. Then you go on dates and see if romance sparks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): i am a girl, but i can relate. mi advice would be to just be yourself around her. talk to her as much as you can. ask her if she would be interested in going on a group date to the movies. "accidentally" bump into her after class. ask her out, and if she says no, tell her it was a dare. but the best way to get a girl, is to be yourself. because if you act fake, she wont like YOU. she will like somebody elses in your body. hope i can be of some help!
Good Luck!
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