A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I currently have a new housemate who has moved from Pakistan. He is muslim and does not realize I am gay. I get along with him so far, because I try and keep conversation to small talk. However, his main focal point of conversation is picking up pretty girls. I can only add so much to these kinds of conversation without lying. I feel uncomfortable in that I have to watch what I say, how I act or who I bring back home... in my own house, unless I come out to him, which I feel more hesistant about. I know he is uncomfortable with lgbt culture so far, I could see plain discomfort when he saw a lesbian couple on TV or when he mentioned the gay district in a conversation. This living situation would be difficult for both of us, I have to live with someone who does not approve of my way of life or that I'd prefer to have a boyfriend than pick up pretty girls. He has to live with me, someone who goes against his fundamental values and is living the wrong way of life. I feel uncomfortable in my own house at times, my house is meant to be my sanctuary, I shouldn't have to tip toe around him so he doesn't find out I'm gay... but I don't have the confidence to come out to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2015): It is as much your home as his. Going by what you've written it sounds like you were their first (either as the first tenant or even the owner) and he moved in with you. I'd say be honest, tell him you're gay and that there may be times you'll have gay friends, partners, one-night-stands, or whatever coming over. If he isn't comfortable that's his problem, not yours. He could either move or you set about making a schedule for having people over, so any discomfort is avoided.
Don't flaunt it or rub it in his face, respect him (and yourself) and hope he returns it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2015): I'm smiling as I read your post. That's because it's a matter of time before you'll do one thing, or the other.
Your young hormones will take-over, and you'll need to share some personal-time with your own kind! His religion requires him to live celibate until marriage. What's this about picking up girls? Drop him a few hints. Admire a few hot guys on TV! He's obviously flexible if he can can speak of women in a sexual-way. He feels free to expose his feelings about casual-sex! Why shouldn't you?
If he doesn't approve of YOUR lifestyle or respect your rights, he can leave. Why would you knowingly move someone in with you, that you know disapproves of who you are?
He will figure you out. Count on it. Better you tell him, and offer him the option to leave. He may surprise you.
He's not stupid. You're tolerant of his religion and his values. If he can't do the same, let him move. You let him move-in; because he's exotic and probably attractive. You thought hiding would be easy. He's going to bring girls home. You got your own place, so you could be free to do as you please, with whomever you please.
Start looking for another roommate as his replacement. Tell him who you are, and give him 30-days notice; before moving-in a new roommate. He's now in a new country, freely practicing his beliefs, and living his life as he pleases.
We older gays have fought too hard and sacrificed far too much, for you younger gays not to live your lives free and openly. You have to be who you are. Now stand-up for your rights.
If he starts imposing his values on you, tell him that he is welcome to stay only as long as he is able to respect your rights and freedom to be who you are. Then invite anyone into your home you please. If you can let him in, you should be free to enjoy your own life. Grow some courage young-man! You have a long life ahead of you.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (28 January 2015):
 Why are you so afraid to come out to him? You are who you are. He is who he is. Be more confident in yourself. Be proud of yourself. I think it's kismet that the two of you crossed paths. You are both more alike than you think. You are both exposed to negative stereotypes and being misunderstood. He being Muslim and you being Gay. I think this is a great opportunity for the two of you to learn from one another and broaden your horizons.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 January 2015):
 Let me elaborate on my earlier answer...This man is a new arrival and was very fortunate to be allowed in to our country (any western country). He's on YOUR home turf, surrounded by YOUR people and YOUR customs. You don't think he's talking about courting one of us with an eye toward marriage and raising a family, do you? Does he seem the slightest bit concerned that you might be offended by the fact that he sees your country as a sex tourist destination?And here you're worried about what HE might think of YOU in YOUR own home. So what if he isn't comfortable with the whole idea of homosexuality? He wasn't dragged here in chains. I bet there are things about his traditions that make you uncomfortable, but that doesn't stop him from being open about being Muslim. If you don't want to tell him you're gay, that's up to you. You could always deal with it from the perspective I outlined above. At the very least he might stop all his womanizing talk in front of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2015): He's going against his own values as a Muslim if he's planning on "picking up pretty girls". Totally hypocritical! Do what you like and bring boyfriend(s) home, just tell him. If he doesn't like it, he can move out right? Simples. Be proud of yourself X
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 January 2015):
His fundamental values have something to say about womanizing but that doesn't stop him. And, assuming you aren't from Pakistan, what do your fundamental values tell you about a man who makes plain his intent to entertain himself with women of your culture while hoping to keep the women of his pure?
Start looking at it that way and you might find it easier to be yourself.
Is this room mate connected in any way? How did he find you?
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