A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, A few years back in high school, I really hurt one of my friends that /really/ liked me. He had asked me to Junior prom (I had a boyfriend at the time) and things happened, and he ended up being hurt and humiliated (not publicly, but he was really embarrassed). He didn't speak to me for a few years, but now we're in college (separate ones) and he started talking to me again. He asked me to go to the movies and wants to see me again, seemingly casually. I went on one date with him, but it seems that he's trying to woo me again.There's only one problem... I really don't like him like that. He's a great guy, a great friend, but he's just not the kind of guy that I'd date or marry... I feel bad, because he's loved me for like seven years, and I feel terrible for not returning his affections. I don't want to hurt him again, but I don't know what to do at this point... I'm afraid that he's really in /love/ with me, but I can't say that I feel that way back... What do I do? I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I don't want to date him either... I just want him to move on by himself... Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!
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female
reader, QZ +, writes (1 July 2010):
 I agree that you have to tell him right away. The longer you are silent the longer he'll be under the impression that you return his feelings. Have an up-front conversation with him and tell him exactly how you feel, and that you're sorry if it hurts his feelings. If you value the friendship tell him you care for him as a friend, but not as anything deeper.
It'll be hard to say all this at first, but once you get started it should get easier to say the rest.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (1 July 2010):
 The only thing I can think off is to let him down easy, and do it quickly. These things get messier the longer you take to do them.
Don't avoid him, but when you do meet, make it clear that your feelings for him are strictly platonic. It's hard being in your situation as much as it is being in his, but it's important you remember that it's in both your best interests to be honest about what your friendship can and cannot be.
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (1 July 2010):
 You need to have an adult conversation with him, face to face, and tell him your complete feelings, or lack thereof. He might be upset at first, but he will later appreciate the fact that you didn't lead him on and hurt him even more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): Just be straight-forward with him, cruel to be kind. Tell him that you can't see him that way, but that you want to be his friend.
But be prepared to lose this friendship, it would be unfair to him to keep him around when he wants something more that you can't give him.
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