A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i dont know if my problem is me not trusting my boyfriend or me not trusting myself. we have been together for almost a year and a half. i am insecure by nature and very aware of all my flaws. he has said he loves me countless times but i hate the fact that i seem to need constant reassurance that he loves me. for example, i was really insecure about his friendship with this girl, and he has stopped spending time alone with her as i told him how uncomfortable i felt about their 1 on 1 outings and also because she does not respect me at all. at one point she had laughed at me when she heard about my on and off insecurities with my relationship. also, my bf was the kind of guy who used to be a 'player', and sometimes i look at him and im surprised that he is still with me. i think i don't have enough trust within myself and with him that he loves me. what can i do? i don't want this to become an issue with our relationship.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Zahir_is_burning  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Give him a tighty huggy and kiss on lips saying "I love u to death honey" everything will be solved. men are thirsty for true love!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Oh honey, you are young and insecure, yes. Look, has he done anything to YOU to make you feel bad about yourself? If yes, then sure, feel insecure and rip him a new one. However, if he has never lifted a finger to you and tried to comfort you when you feel low, then we're dealing with your head.Believe me, I've been there and am still there. If you can't stop these negative feelings, this relationship of yours will not work. Needless to say, your boyfriend would have to be an emotional log or the world's most patient man in order for you to keep behaving insecure.Trust is about trusting the person you are with and trusting yourself that YOU make him happy too. Remind yourself that you make him happy also. He's with you for a reason. Plus, the relationship is still growing and changing and change sucks and sometimes pulls us into insecurity because we don't know the future.This is what I tell myself when I begin to feel insecure in my relationship. I tell myself that I love my boyfriend and he loves me. I tell myself that he is with me for a reason. I also say that he can have all the freedom in the world he wants as long as he gives me the same. I find that people who love you, won't stray from you. In fact, my boyfriend has not left my side for the past couple of months since I've begun to change my outlook. It's getting to the point that I want to spend the night at my parents' for a small break!I know this is cheesy but it's a lesson that I am still learning and I am waaaay older than you: LOVE YOURSELF.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): You ARE me. I could have written that. That's scary.I'm still learning like you are. But my answer to my own troubles is this. I cannot see what he sees in me. I KNOW deep down I'm an awesome gf. I have traits not everyone has. But I forget this and because of this I feel less superior in the relationship. Kinda like, he could have anyone, why me? Ring any bells?So. I;ve been working on it. He would not have been with you for THAT long if he did not want to. You can drop a relationship at the click of a finger. He has chosen not to. Thus he DOES love you. Imagine how he'd feel if you dumped him tomorrow. JUST like you would feel. You are equal. I'm sure he has worries just like you, but hides these worries better. I always need reassurance and that worries me too. But I am getting better. At the end of the day, if he's was going to go off with someone else he would have done by now. So you might as well enjoy your relationship instead of just waiting for it to end. It may not ever. Then you'll have wasted the exciting early parts worrying and being sad.Good luck. You are exactly like me. I hope things get better for you too. xxxxx
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