A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't have any friends.I tend to tune out most people, and only make strong connections with a few people. It's hard for me to make chit-chat, I like to talk about real things, deep things, or clever things, but I'm also somewhat depressed. My problem is that it's been quite a while since I've made a connection with anyone new. I moved to this city for a job at a large company, 3 years ago, I've had quite a dry spell. Does anyone have any advice for how to make some friends or go on dates? Also, I dislike any kind of online friend sites, so pls don't recommend that!I think maybe I need to break out and just talk to more people until I find someone. I think I'm just afraid to talk to people, or to say what's really on my mind. Am I just too closed off??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): quality not quantity
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 If you want to have friends, do a good deed each day. Just help or offer your hand to any stranger you meet in the street.
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A
male
reader, shazman1984 +, writes (4 February 2008):
you know what man, im not good with small talk myself, but if its an important topic i can talk for hours. Your job is a good place to start. In most cases, theres always a group of coworkers who hangout outside of work. find someone from this crowd and try to find something you relate to them with, whether it be a sports team, movies, music, etc. Once you've made a friend connection with him, when the group goes out, he'll invite you. its always a bit awkward at first, you'll feel like you'll never fit in. But you'll slowly begin to know everyone one by one. Before you know it, your one of the guys. If work isnt an option, you can invite your neighbor over for dinner, our try local community events. You can make a friendship connection just about anywhere. Oh, i have been getting better at small talk. what ive learned is that the key to small talk is in the details. If your going to ask someone where are they from. follow it up with things like, how long were u there for, whats the food like, etc, details details. good luck bro! Let me know when u find a good budd.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (4 February 2008):
 OOPS! I didn't notice that you are a guy... forget about the cookies.... LoL... But then again, my older brother who is a "BRUTE" ( 6'5 - 300lbs ) Cooks and bakes cookies :)
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (4 February 2008):
You sound a lot like me. Yes, there are other people out there who are like you, you are not ODD! LoL.
There is nothing wrong with being choosy of who you pick as friends. As the cliche goes:"What a man is REALLY LIKE, you can see it in the friends that he selects."
In your case, you prefer to be around people who are REAL, and intelligent. You don't like to talk (empty chit-chat)... just for the sake of hearing your own voice.
What I do to make friends, I pick out some people (whom I observed for a while) and begin sharing things with them. Maybe I will bake some cookies, and bring a few extra ones to share. OR, start saying "Hello there! Good morning! How are ya!?" to certain people that you have chosen. Or make a cheerful comments like "Great day! Having fun yet?" And.... smile..Smile..SMILE! :) People are attracted to happy people. :)
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (4 February 2008):
Forgive me for being a right twit. I didn't realise you were a male. I looked at the question below you for the gender. Mate I am sorry but hey the same rules apply mate. Go out and have fun. Knock em out with your charm and mate alot of people are in the same boat in that people seem to be shallow and not connecting with each other on a deeper level. Still go with the list mate. I would love to hear what is on your list. Dance to the beat of your own drum not someone elses and mate you will see the difference. If not having a girlfriend is getting you down then find your inner peace and connect with your inner child and do the things that make you smile. I love butterflies so going to a butterfly sanctuary is totally an amazing experience. Do one thing a week you have always wanted to do and you will start to live. So mate keep smiling. Let me know what is on your list mate. You just might inspire someone somewhere around the world.Put your favourite music on and dance naked around the living room. I know you're thinking we aussies are mad and hey don't knock it till you try it mate. Get out there.
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A
female
reader, korculan queen +, writes (4 February 2008):
You say you are depressed. First of all how long have you been feeling this way? Are there any people at work who you can have coffee mornings with? The quantity of friends does not make you a better person, it is the quality. Maybe your work is long and the chances of a social life or free time would be impeded. Whenever I am feeling sad or depressed I go near water. Do you live near a beach or have somewhere you can go that involves water. I live in Australia so mate if I am feeling this way I have lots of beaches, lots of waterholes, lots of camping in the bush, movies. If it is a partner you are seeking then while you are feeling depressed you will repel and deflect people from you. A good idea is to make a list of all the things you have wanted to do but always put off due to fear or some other reason. It can be grand or small. eg have a manicure, followed by a massage and treat yourself to a coffee or a new outfit. Join the gym. For me my fear was holding me back. I made a list and I have been on a hot air balloon, been to the beach with my children,etc. I still need to get a nice massage, go canopy surfing in the Daintree and hot air ballooning over the pyramids would be the ultimate. Find something you like and do it. For me it was bellydancing and wow doesn't that make you feel exotic beautiful and mystical. Join the gym,whatever it is that gets you out of your shell and makes you smile. Go on a holiday. Dare to dream. Make a list of all the things that would make you smile and do them. Get out there girl because within all of us is beauty and a wonderful soul and life is for living and dreaming and wanting and smiling and showing the world that you rock girl. Go get em!
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