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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Thank you in advance to anyone who can offer me some good advice, I really appreciate it. Im sorry for the length, I just want to make sure you understand my situation.I am now in my second year of college and just getting over alot of really horrible things that happened my freshman year. I come from a good Muslim family, my parents are religious but they arent strict. Two years ago I started to date my first boyfriend, something I never thought I would do considering I was always against dating. Everything changed when I met him, he was the same way, I was also his first girlfriend too. My parents knew about him from the start and were okay with the idea of us dating to potentially get married someday, his parents had an inkling but they were way more oldfashioned and constantly discouraged him. Long long story short, we fell in love and dated for almost two years (he even proposed)until one day he broke it off out of the blue. We went back and forth for a while, he would leave and then come crawling back, he was so conflicted and I was so incredibly heartbroken. We lost our virginity to each other, something that is forbidden in our religion, he promised me he would never leave me and that broken promise was a big factor into why I handled the breakup so badly.As much as I would like to believe he was a jerk and I deserve better, I know he is a good guy.I know that we loved each other very much, but I also know he wasnt mature enough to stand up to his family and his father convinced him dating me would mean he would not focus enough and fail out of school (I recently found out all this from a mutual friend). SO, in the end I was extremely hurt. Some other traumatic events happened during this time. I was so emotionally damaged my parents put me in therapy for about five months.I finally cut contact with him at the end of january. After therapy, Im starting to get my life back together. I still love him, but I know right now I have to let him go and move on and get over all the horrible things that have happened to me since then. If he comes back then I will know once and for all that we're meant to be right?Considering everything that's happened Ive been off men for a while now. But recently Ive started to like this guy I met at work. He also works in the mall and I always buy my lunch from there when Im on break. He's normally not my type but he is so sweet to me. We talk and make polite conversation everytime Im there, he always asks how Im doing and he can always sense if Im having a bad day because we will try and cheer me up and make me laugh. Everytime he sees me his face turns really red and he gets so shy and all he can do is smile at me. My friends have seen how strangely he acts in front of me and they have all said they think he has feelings for me. It is pretty obvious there is something there, but we are both so shy.Im not the kind of girl to give a guy my number unless he asks for it. Since the break up four guys have asked me out and Ive said no, I wasnt ready before. I really like this one, but I dont have the guts nor the confidence in myself to just walk up to him and tell him how I feel.Im always being told Im beautiful by random strangers and I know I have a good heart and Im smart, Im a nice girl with morals and I really care about people. I have so many things going for me but I just dont have enough faith in myself sometimes since my first love left me. I need him to make the first move. Problem is I make him so nervous sometimes that he constantly drops things in front of me, and then he turns all red and we both cant make eye contact for long, I just get too self conscious. I know someone my age should just get over it already but im oldfashioned. Also, its a family owned place so he works with his family and Im too embarrassed to say anything infront of them, its just not done in our culture. He's arabic as well but he's christian. Everytime we talk I find out bits and pieces about him just not enough to put it all together yet. Is he just shy or does he not like me? Or is it the religion difference that is holding him back from saying something? Either way, what should I do about all of this? I really like him, but I just dont want to make the first move and get hurt again.
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at work, christian, confidence, fell in love, heartbroken, move on, muslim, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (14 August 2009):
 aw hun i'm really made up for you :)
well done!!! for going out there and doing what you wanted!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the words of comfort, it helped so much. Since i posted this question my ex contacted me but I didnt pick up the phone or call back. My friend gave the guy I like from work my number. Turns out he had just broken up with his ex too and was still getting over it. It took a couple months, but he started texting me and tonight we went out on an unofficial date I guess? My friends were there as a big group thing so it was alot less pressure. It actually went really well, he is such a gentleman. He admitted that he gets pretty shy and that I make him nervous but he seems to really like me. He said I looked beautiful so I suppose thats a good sign haha, and he refused to let me pay for anything, very old fashioned. Im going to take everyones advice and take a chance on love again.Thank you soooo much to everyone who responded. You really helped nudge my self esteem up enough to where I could start opening up again.
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A
female
reader, gemmaxx09 +, writes (1 June 2009):
 yeh the first love is so hard to get over, mine dumped me out of the blue too coz of his parents, been having some help to deal with it, but he wont leave me alone.
Good for you sorting your life out, maybe you could ask him out as friends first and get to know eachother.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): With the Ex...so many questions - wow - so many mysteries to unravel. Ok here is how it goes for me; he isn't into you - wishful thinking by you will not get him to be into you. Waiting like a forlorn Princess will not get him to be into you. My view is you could wait for him - but it might be a very long wait.....
ok thats the ex. bit to help you get over him please see tips here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-move-on-after-breaking-up.html
How did the therapy work out?
Next thing...
what are you waiting exactly for? him to say something? Are you maybe waiting for a written invitation?
there is only one way to find out if he fancies you - ask him...(ok thats a little abrupt)
I would just invite him out for a coffee or a drink sometime or to see a film or something just as friends and see what happens next... "hi don't suppose you fancy a coffee sometime?"
- if you think about you at the moment don't know and are alone. So if you ask him and he says no then you get a slightly bruised ego for a while (an hour or so) then you know and nothing else changes. If he says yes ok ....then hey presto... you get an ego boost and know and so many other things might follow.
last word on the Ex thing - he isn't into you- go and find someone who really really is...I think from your post you sound great and you know all this really - go make it happen.
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (1 June 2009):
well you've clearly been through alot with this other guy.
i mean i woudln't go back to him even if he did come back to you because he had his chance now it's time for someone elses and you've taken so long and so much hard work to get over him why throw all that away..? especially if it happens again i mean whose to say it won't?
this new guy sounds lovely!
he sounds like he really likes you but like you've said he is probably really shy i mean he's in a family run business so he may be just as shy as you about the family thing.
perhaps you write your number down on the receipt and ask your friends to take it up to him with a tip or something.
something simple or you could even take it up or write it down on a serviette or something?
so then he has a way of knowing you like him back and then it's in his court to text you or call you right?
you just sit back and wait.
and plus you don't really have to talk to one another if you're that shy about asking him out and stuff simple just write your number down and pass it onto him. :)
hope this helps hun.
best of luck :)
x
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