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I don't hate my ex anymore and want to congratulate him on having a baby, how should I do this?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 July 2011) 9 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2011)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Today I read a question about a guy that calls his gf names and wont let her eat til he says its ok. It made me feel sad and horrible for her because thats what my exbf did to me but he was badder. I treated him so good but he would always find something bad to say and make me feel bad about myself. I left him because I was fed up with him taking out his flaws on me and blaming me for everything that went wrong. It was a bad breakup. The day I left him I told him I hated him and cursed him out like I was a sailor. That was the only time I saw him cry. I didnt care cause he messed me up so terrible about relationship for a long time but now I have a sweet bf thats the opposite to him. Im heard my exbf is having a baby and I want to congratulate him but I dont want him to think I want him back if I do that. I think it would be good to let him know Im not angry at him anymore. Hes so understanding because he just like me. How do I do this without misleading my exbf to think I want him back? Im glad hes having a baby cause he always wanted some.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hannah76 I didnt mean to insult you for not doing what you said. I thought about your answer but I wouldnt been able to live with myself. I email him last night and he was taken back and I talked to his fiance and he talked to my bf. Were all gonna go out to dinner over the weekend. Im glad the airs clear cause its better for everybody. im happy and hes happy so no more baggage for his or my head. theyre having twins not one. im excited to get together with them.

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (14 July 2011):

hannah76 agony auntHello,

Thanks for follow up. I count 6 aunts against contacting him and 1 for contacting. I believe you were going to contact him anyway so that's your choice. Hope all goes well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Everybody ty for your answer.Eyez i like the way you think we think the same so im gonna do your advice. I bet youd be a wonderful friend to.

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A female reader, meccamega Australia +, writes (13 July 2011):

I wouldn't bother he doesn't even deserve to hear from you.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (13 July 2011):

YouWish agony auntYou have a new boyfriend and a new future. Your ex is in your history. I wouldn't ever communicate with your ex again. He has moved on, and so have you.

You said this guy really mistreated you? Why the hell do you feel the need to let him know that you're no longer mad? Be fortunate that you got away from him!

Don't jeopardize the good thing you have going now because you have feelings of guilt for how it ended. Just be happy it ended, and it sounds like the ex has moved on anyways. You should do the same.

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A female reader, hannah76 United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2011):

hannah76 agony auntWhy bother? You were treated badly so why even bother to acknowledge him? I can't understand why you would want to wish him well. Things have now ended and he has his baby. Let this all go.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011):

I wouldn't bother either. The important thing is that you no longer hate him and you will be more comfortable. No need to make any further contact, just be happy with the new boyfriend.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (13 July 2011):

Denise32 agony aunt

Your ex bf was very nasty in the way he acted toward you.

If I were in your place, I wouldn't bother (to congratulate him).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011):

there's no need to congratulate him. you're done, you're over, you're no longer part of each other's lives. since he didn't call you up to share the news with you himself but rather you heard it from someone else, it's better if you left it at that and didn't say anything to him.

it sounds like this isn't really about wanting to congratulate him, but you feel some reaction this news about him having a baby. just leave it be.

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