A
female
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anonymous
writes:My b/f and I have been together about a year and we do lots of things together, hang out, watch movies, go shopping, work on the house together. But sometimes I realize that he doesn't hold my hand, or look at me in a sexual way. We have sex, but it's only about once or twice a week, and I've told him that I need more affection, romance and SEX, so he'll do it for about a week, then fall back into the habit of treating me more like a friend. When we do have sex, I try to make it exciting and wear sexy things, because I am a sexual person, who's up for just about anything. But I think it's the fact that he sees me as easy-going and therefore I don't excite him sexually. His last g/f was high-strung, hot-tempered and a bit of a b**** but he was extremely turned on by her sexually. How do I flip his switch without getting into a bunch of stupid head games? I worry that he's just attracted to a different type of female that I cannot become and he will eventually go seeking after it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): if his last g/f was a b*** but he was turned on, perhaps what realy gets him going is a more dominate female, someone who will take control, maybe even treat him a bit harsh or badly. try asking him what turns him on the most, etc, and try it. though it may seem crazy, i know guys that love haveing a dog collar put on them and even a leash, told to "please" the female and called good doggie/bad doggie, and i even know some guys who love being scratched and hurt. an easy way to start off being dominate is to tie him up and do whatever you want, weither its to please him or torture him untill he wants you wildly. Anouther way is just to be bossy and tell him what to do, perhaps even call him names. Ask him if any of this would excite him.
overall though, i doubt its because your're "easy-going" ... i'm sure hes relived to finnialy have a kind, good and STABLE g/f who cares about him and the relationship. Just because he dousnt hold your hand all the time, or stare at you passionitly every second dousnt mean he dosunt love you, or will leave you. guys dont notice these things, and some dont feel its important. obviosuly touch and some flirting is still important to you, so try doing those things to him instead of being down. A year is a good amount of time, but it dosunt mean its the end, it could just be that hes more comfertable and sattisfied and thus relaxed. you should ask him, and accept his answers. many guys can't explain things how we want them to, in details and so forth, they just arent wired how us women are. but there is no reason to fear the worst... you guys still do so many things together and have fun, and, though you probably don't want to hear this, even sex twice a week isnt that bad... some people don't have sex nearly that often. His sex drive just might be far lower then yours... belive me... i feel your pain. i am an extremly sexual person and my guy has a much lower sex drive. if you wish to feel closer to your guy, you can do this with cuddleing, not just sex. also, though i've complained to my guy about sex and romance many times too, neither of us should that often because the more it is done the more that sex and romantic gestures might seem like a chore to him and not something to enjoy and as a loveing bond. if he has recently been less sexual, it might be due to the stress of proformence, or of a job, etc, or many other reasons.
anyways... some more ideas to "flip the switch" is to make out passionitly for a while... then stop or walk away... do this for a few days if he dosunt respond right away... thus playing coy. or talk about something sexy u want to do with him later on (that you know drives him wild), and remind him when out in public when he can't do anything about it. anouther is to just please him one night, concentrating all on him... but dont do this unless hes willing to do the same for you anouther night (which might also be anouther way to avoid sex if his drive is low by him still at least pleasing yours).
hope some of this helped. but please... unless there is a good reason for your worries, try to get over thinking you aren't good enough. why would he be with you a year if he didnt think you were good enough?
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (26 January 2007):
 You might try ignoring his advances (if there are any) and just see how long he will go without coming on to you. Act like you aren't interested in sex with him. You may just be like the comfortable old shoe, pardon the analogy, but he might just be taking you for granted.
Maybe if you aren't so willing a partner, he might find that a turn on. Half of the excitement is in the challenge and the chase. Make him beg you for it.
I know it's a head game, but it just might work.
Good luck!
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