A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello.Hope you all are alright? Well, I have had a rather complicated life and I had to endure a lot, one of the reasons why I was never really focused on guys. Well at some point it hits every single one of us, and for me it started at the age of 16/17 maybe. The thing that I have noticed is that I never get approached by the guys that I am interested in or the guys that I actually think are interesting. The guys that approach me are either not my type or creepy (because they are way toooo old). I have been told by my friends that I seem pretty nice and approachable and people (not just friends and family) have told me that I am pretty (I seem confident, if one gets to know me better, then you realize I am actually not, but fake it 'til you make it!) Anyway I have tried to be more observant of the world around me and I have noticed that guys that I think could be nice do check for me, but even if I smile at them, they seem to still not approach me. I tried to bury my doubts with uni stuff, but as of recently my therapist is trying to encourage me to get a boyfriend, and I think if the guy is worth it, I could open up. Sometimes I feel like I should just let it go and leave it be! Other times I think that I am going to die alone. Any advice, even advice on how to just let it go? Sorry for my long-wided story, but I felt the need to let it out. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2019): Oh my Dear,
Is absolutely not my intention to seem rude but I think you are overreacting. I had the chance to live in Germany for 3 years with a wonderful german girl. One of the first things that shocked me was how different the dating scene in Germany is than in America.
I'm Canadian and I'm friendly and I talk a lot. When I approached any person in Germany to have a friendly talk like we do in Canada.....well...I only can say they were very wary, suspicious and worried about my intentions. Lol.
With that being said I recognized too that the dating scene is conducted by the females. They are the one who choose and flirt. German gentleman are not as adventurous as in America.
I'm trying to say that where you are from, Is mostly customary that girls choose. They send the first signal so the guy can approach you. Feel happy and lucky that you are in a society were women can freely choose any man they want without any prejudice like in other societies. As a man, Telling you what we like... I would work on my flirtatious looks. Techniques. My wardrobe and hair according to the kind of guy you are attracted to. But be careful to not to go to strong. Some males can get the wrong message and come too strong on you. You don't want that either. Some males are pigs. And if you come too strong to a nice guy you can scare him off. Is all about balance. I know it sounds too complicated but unfortunately the dating game is like that.
Dont get frustrated. Remember you are the one who has the power to choose. You are a strong beautiful girl who will choose the right guy for you. And if he doesn't reciprocate that's his loss! Don't settle for less.
Final thoughts: if you go after the bad boy with hopes of turning him into a good boy just for you... you are in the wrong path. Bad boys will make you suffer at your age. They are loosers that doesn't appreciate the value of a wonderful girl. Trust me. I was one of those bad boys for 20 years until i met the right girl.
A
female
reader, KeW  +, writes (13 July 2019):
 Hello OP,
While your feelings are natural, you’re too young to believe you’ll “die alone”. Surely your therapist encourages you to be rational about it?
It sounds like you’re a good person and you have friends, so you need to be patient. You may also need to make the first move. Waiting for someone else to introduce themselves or ask you out isn’t always the best way to start dating.
I’d be surprised if your therapist just told you to find a boyfriend and didn’t help you through your feelings about it. Unless you haven’t told her your relationship nerves?
You have to put yourself out there safely, OP. Guys can’t always be the ones to make the first move :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): Instead of going out looking for boyfriends look for boys that you want to be friends with then you can see where it goes. Most relationships start off as friends and then you find out more about each other so you know if you actually are interested. Just look at it as making friends at first and see how it goes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): Well what kind of guys do you want to be approached by?
You've told us about the guys you don't like but not about the guys you do.
Younger guys have a much higher threshold than old school guys for discerning whether a woman wants to be approached so you need to do much much more of the lifting when it comes to making a connection. Smiling is nice, smiling is friendly, smiling might be a sign you like them, but it also might just be friendly.
The easiest way to find out if a guy wants to go out with you is to ask them. It's quick, definitive and the rejection sting is short and requires the minimum of reading between the lines.
Find out what the guys you like do, where they drink, when they go to the gym, what music they like, what films they watch, what classes they take- (Its much much better if you like these things too) and do all of these things, then spend some time doing these things with them, and if you still like them, and they haven't asked you out, ask them out.
If you think that men should ask women out, but the men you like don't do that then you have fallen between two stools culturally speaking. If you are German and you are writing in english, your english is excellent! God luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): You are barely out of your teens. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you to be asked out by a guy you like. When I was your age I had never been asked out by anyone I wanted either and sometimes it takes years to click with someone. But sooner or later it will happen & if it doesn't then so be it.
Just sit back and let nature take its course - you have LOADS of time!!
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