A
female
age
36-40,
*iss-Understood
writes:I have been dating a man for about a month now. When I met him, I was not physically attracted to him, when I got to know him...all of him, I became attracted in other ways. I feel like I'm falling in love with someone that I am not physically attracted to. He is not my ideal discription of what I want physically. To be honest, If it were he and I in a world all to ourselves, I wouldn't care about this stuff. My friends are my main issue with it, because I want my man to be attractive to them, as well. I keep thinking about how others will view him and I let that get to me. I know this is wrong, but I can't help feeling this way. It bothers me to the point that I think I should leave him, but I can't bring myself to do that. When he is around me, I don't want him to leave. Is this strange? Am I crazy? HELP! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 I apologize for calling you shallow. I didn't mean it that way. Let me try to explain what.
I once dated a young man who was cover head to toe in 3rd degree burn scars. We had been best friends forever , and he confessed to liking me, and I had liked him for a while, too. All of my friends said he was ugly and that I was crazy I was crazy. My friends meant well, but I let them know straight up that I didn't care what he looked like, and that their approval wasn't needed. He was the sweetest man in the world, a perfect gentleman, kind considerate, and he always made me laugh, Perfect in a sense, we never fought. But he had never had a girlfriend. He told me that he liked a girl once, but she wouldn't date him. I asked the girl why, and she said because of his apperance. I told her she was stupid, and that she was missing out on a perfect boyfriend.
Physical appearance means nothing to me, because we cannot help how we look, so why should we base who we like on how they look?
The only reason I said shallow was because you wanted your friends to think he was hot, and I didn't see why it would matter.
But I do apologize if I offended you. I am very open minded and have a horrible tendency to say what I think without considering other peoples feelings.
A
female
reader, Miss-Understood +, writes (9 October 2007):
Miss-Understood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAngelDust, I may "sound" shallow, but I am not a shallow person...everyone has their own likes and dislikes when it comes to physical attraction. I'm sure you do too, does that make you shallow? On the other hand, thank you for being blunt, because I needed that! I appreciate the response!To the anonymous reader who replied, you REALLY got everything I was trying to say, that is exactly how I feel. My friends do have "better looking" men, and they do get cheated on all the time, while I am here and this man treats me so well, and the others before him. Thank you for your replyLoah, I almost wanted to cry when I read your reply, thank you so much for opening my eyes to the fuure and what's real. Deep down I do know that this is where I want to be and I need to stop letting others get in the way of my happiness. I can see how others would be jealous of me being happy, you gave me a lot of hope and I really appreacite your honesty and your best wishes!! I wish you all the best as well..thank youI am definitely going to give my all to this relationship and be honest with my feelings, and see where we end up. If this site is around in a couple of years I'll be proud to come back and say we made it lol ..
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A
female
reader, Loah  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 I too can relate to what your saying. Upon meeting my guy I really didnt think much of him looks wise, I am by no means shallow, he just wasnt the type of guy im generally attracted to. But as time passed I fell completely head over heels for him, and cannot see myself with any other man. My friends were always saying I could do better but in my eyes I had found the best man a girl could ask for. Believe it or not theyre actually jealous of my happiness and the fact that ive found someone who treats me with the respect and love that I deserve. I hope you too can see past youre worries and follow your heart. I wish you luck! Youre happiness is what truly matters, and never think otherwise!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): I completely know what you mean, I came on here to get help with the same problem myself! i have a lot of feelings for someone and not long ago he has asked me if i feel that same. he makes me laugh and we always have a great time but i turned him down becuase i dont find him physically attractive. in a way you have already answered the question yourself because your already going out with this man, im sure you wouldnt have done this without good reason. I always think to myself that my friends may have better looking boyfriends but they are always getting cheated on and let down when they go on nights out, whereas i know if I could be with this other person that wouldnt be a factor because feelings have come first for once. guess what im saying is whatever your friends say (and you dont know thay are actually thinking that anyway) at the end of the day you have found someone who is your soulmate and that takes alot of beating! good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): I have to agree with the first person. If you are falling in love with him, that is all that should matter. Looks fade......love is real.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (8 October 2007):
Yes, you are crazy, pardon my saying so. If you love him, what he looks like and what other people think should not matter. No offense, but that is kinda shallow.
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