A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel very unattractive. Throughout our marriage I’m always complimenting my wife’s outfits, or saying she looks great, or always seem turned on when she just walks by with underwear or naked I’m always giving her the looks haha. But I’ve realized I don’t remember the last time I received any of those back. I know that’s the nature of being a man, we don’t get many compliments but I just don’t feel attractive to her. I don’t remember the last time she has said something like you are looking good today, or do anything to show she’s turned on by me. or even looked me up and down when I get out of the shower, any of those things would make me feel like I have something to offer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2021): You need to look up responsive or reactive sexual desire which is how many if not most women work
Women don’t tend to just see a man and get turned on at least most don’t . Why do you think so much of porn daters to men and not women . You don’t see men paraded around on porn in commercials all over billboards etc sexualised in anywhere near the numbers women are . Sure , it happens sometimes say in porn but usually it’s directed at gay men
Not to say all women are not turned on by men’s bodies but a lot need more and have what’s called responsive sexual desire
Has nothing to do with your attractiveness
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2021): Maybe she was brought-up under the old school-of-thought that tough-guys don't need compliments. If you read DC regularly, many women who write us are very insecure; they have body-image issues, and suffer with low self-esteem. They blame it on the men they've had in their lives. They believe men are all capable of cheating; and it takes a lot of boldness and self-confidence to have the nerve to do it. Women cheat too, but that ain't the point. The last thing they want to do is encourage you to feel so hot and studly you can get any woman you flirt with. Especially, if you are a notorious-flirt; or an obvious girl-watcher. If you've got a lot of female-friends, or stay in-touch with your exes; you couldn't pull-out a compliment with a pair of pliers! Compliments will be rare to non-existent. The truth is, guys do like hearing compliments from women; but it doesn't always make us conceited, or go run-out and cheat.
Some guys are so narcissistic and self-confident, you almost feel sick to offer them a compliment.
Culturally, according to old American-tradition, men are supposed to compliment women to affirm our sense of attraction towards them. Men are supposed to be stoic. As far as compliments about our looks are concerned; our "male-egos" are self-rewarding, self-sustaining, and conceited enough...supposedly.
The fashion and cosmetic industries have saturated, lambasted, and brainwashed women and girls into believing we (men) require them to do their hair, wear makeup, dress in flattering attire, wear jewelry; and it's necessary to adorn themselves, and to accentuate their femininity. Otherwise, be a plain-Jane; and get absolutely no attention from the male-species. Men tend to reinforce this common notion by paying more attention to women who put a lot of energy into their appearance, and flaunt their looks to get it.
On the conservative-front, women are taught that good-girls don't flaunt themselves; and they are supposed to take it easy with makeup, and not wear clothing that sends all the wrong signals about her morals and character. As a result, they don't bother going out of their way to tell us we look good; but they do brag, and share these opinions with their girlfriends or sisters. They just don't want us to get a big-head; and go showing ourselves off in-front of other womenfolk.
You can ask her point-blank, why doesn't she pay you any compliments? She probably figures it's unimportant to you. Never bothered her dad, brothers, or past boyfriends. She has been conditioned, like women in practically all cultures, that men don't have issues about our self-esteem. Male-pride is reinforced simply by the fact they have to carry his name in marriage. If it's a "boy," the dad feels that's more to brag about. It's believed we think it's a man's-world; and we don't need women to tell us we look good, or offer us compliments. Simply because we already think we look good, and if you don't think so...who cares? The ugliest guy in the room still has the nerve to flirt with the most beautiful woman in the room. That nerve says, this guy thinks he's got something she might like about him. Even if it's not his looks. Men are visual-creatures, maybe less forgiving than they are. Getting past all these notions is the trick, my friend!
When you dress-up, and do a little extra for her benefit, don't be too shy to ask her..."hey, hon, how do I look? Do ya think I'm sexy?" Do it from time to time, and get her used to complimenting you; because she'll realize you do really want to know if she thinks so!
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