A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't feel like doing things for my fiancee and she's pregnant, am I unhappy? What should I do?
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female
reader, liloland  +, writes (9 September 2008):
I would say that you need to think up some stuff that will empower you and make you feel happy about doing stuff.
if you don't feel excited about stuff, but feel that you should, and getting guilty is holding you back - then you need to think of positive ways to motivate yourself.
playing games helps with all kinds of stuff.
Like for example, think of the positive end result and reward that you will get for doing nice things for your girlfriend and how happy she will be with you.
I know that they talk often about issues with pregnancy that the guy can feel left out, because he is no longer the centre of attention. Maybe your girlfriend is acting like she expects you to do stuff for her, but not giving you positive feedback for your efforts.
I know I have read about how men can feel left out when there is a shift from the centre of attention in the relationship from being on the 'man' to the centre of attention instead being on the 'baby'.
Yeah, it might be 'selfish' of a guy to feel like that, but it is natural, if you had all the attention before, and now you are feeling the 'lack' of that attention.
It's probably a good idea for you to think of ways to get more emotionally involved with your girlfriend and to ask her to give you more positive feedback about what she likes, and for you to appreciate her positive feedback.
I am sure, that if you can ask her what is good for her, then she will appreciate you and love you more, but you also need to show her that you have emotional needs and want appreciation and loving as well, for the things that you are doing to support her.
Personally, I don't want to 'blame you' for being selfish - I don't think that 'helps'.
Nobody is perfect, and we all have different backgrounds with different role models and home environments that we pick up from our parents, so some people will just automatically fit into the role of 'being good parents' while others may not.
So it might be a good idea for you to sit down and have a chat about all these things as well, with your girlfriend, and think about how you can change your relationship together to becoming one where you care and support each other essentially as husband and wife (even if you don't have paper - you are in a civil marriage) and so that you can think together as a unit to support your child in the future, and to take pride in yourself for what you will be, a proud mum and dad, and how you want to develop your life together as a family unit. If you start to think positively about all these things, then you will be creating the happy life together, that you need and want to find fulfillment in your life. Try not to put yourself down all the time as well, when you are not perfect - be gentle with yourself, and talk to your girlfriend about what's good with her. But most of all, find ways to motivate yourself and reward yourself, for your good deeds, and get your girlfriend to reward you and be more nice to you also to give you positive encouragement.
Good luck.
:-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): well, to be honest with you i am going through the same thing i am 6 months pregnant and my boyfreind does nothing for me, i have to ask him 100 times to do anything for me and 9/10 times he doesnt even do it, this morning i wanted ceral..... i made him toast and he wouldnt even go to the shops and grab me box, i think i possibly have the most selfish, self centred fella, to be honest with you if he does not chnage i dont think i will be able to stay with him much longer! i thought he would be different when i am pregnant, but he is exactly the same! so do your self a favor pull your finger out your but start helping your girlfreind other wise she might through you out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Being 8 months pregnant myself, and having had a baby just last April, I can honestly tell you that you have NO idea how hard it is to carry a baby when you've gotten into your 3rd trimester, it is MISERABLE. I wake up all night gagging up acid b/c my baby is pushing on my esophagus and it forces stomach acid up my nose and throat. I am in pain, sore, uncomfortable, I toss and turn all night. I got stretch marks, I'm huge, I'm sick a lot, I feel awful my hormones are all over the place. It's hard to breathe, my nose is always stuffed up, I have pain when the baby moves or kicks me. It feels like needles poking me in the vagina. And let's not even get into the actual labor part..because I'm afraid that you couldn't handle it. Well, you aren't going through any of these changes. And the least you could do is help your woman out when she really needs something. My husband gets up when I ask him for a glass of water at night, because honestly my pelvis is so sore that if I were to get up, it would take me 20 minutes to walk into the kitchen. And it is embarassing too. He helps me put my pants on at night after we have sex. He helps me out a lot, and NO he doesn't LIKE to do these things, I can tell, but he does them because he is a man and he has a family to look after. If you don't want to be a family man, then make your mind up. There's no point in your woman having to take care of 2 babies & if you won't help her, she's better without you. As far as being unhappy, maybe but it's more likely that you just don't want to deal with the responsibility, and you are selfish. I feel real sorry for your woman.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (13 February 2008):
 I think you are being selfish, your g/f is carrying your baby and you do not want to help her,do not forget you are 50 percent responsible for the condition that she is presently in, you need to change your attitude, because when the baby is born, you will need to help a lot more, i can never understand people who have this attitude towards the mother of their child, it is time for you to put her and the baby as no 1 priority, and forget about me, myself, i and start to think of we as a family.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Be a man and look after your pregnant fiancee she needs you. I rest my case.
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A
male
reader, Simplelove +, writes (13 February 2008):
just cause shes pregnant doesn't mean she gets to be the queen. When is it your turn to be king. If this was unplanned and you feel forced into this pregnancy don't degrade yourself, this was her choice let her deal with her own responsibility. If it was planned then set limits from the beginning so she knows what to ask and not ask of you. Nothing gets more annoying than being asked to do something you hate for 100th time.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Are you punishing her because she is pregnant?
Do you blame her for this pregnancy?
Was this unplanned?
Why are you unhappy?
Do you still love her?
You will have to seek those answers and it will help you to treat her better.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (13 February 2008):
 I don't want to offend you, but you want honesty?
Well it sounds to me as though you are a little on the selfish side. You don't like doing things for her? Well maybe she doesn't like doing things for you either... but she does things for you out of Love. It shouldn't be a one sided deal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): You are not unhappy, I think you are very lazy and selfish. How would you feel if you had to carry around another human being inside of you for 9 months? how would you feel if you was putting on tons of weight, and you feet got all swollen up because you had to be on your toes all day? How would you feel if someone kicked your stomach in a thousend times along with your b*lls getting torn to shreds, because thats just a small example of how giving birth will feel-if you made the baby-you do your bit! Youre going to be a dad and you will have a tiny life to take care of. Your lady needs you, stop thinking the way you are right now and make an effort for her. Treat her like a queen, I assure you, when your sprog is born u will feel like the happiest man alive:)..god bless xx
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