A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I've been partly hurt and partly withdrawn from a female friend of mine. I'm female too. I previously thought her and I were close and there were no barriers. I felt like we were two sisters. She has told me to do things for her like wash her back while she's in the shower, apply back medicine pads while she is doggy style nude in front of me, give her full head and unclothed massage. She has talked with me about thoughts with another woman and missing sex with a guy. I'm hurt bc every day she talks sexual with me but I noticed the other day her telling another friend about a guy she fancy and she hope it's more of an emotional relationship before things lead in the other direction. My feelings are how dare she say we're friends when she can't even be open with me. I understand she has freedom and rights but why even consider me friend when around others she's one way not the same as with me. I thought if she drop her clothing the moment we alone and give reason to have me notice her nakedness then we were the best of friends. I can't define her or her actions. She questioned my down demeanor today , I question her as a friend. Do friends share things with certain friends that they don't share with other friends? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (16 March 2014):
 Are you in love with your friend? Is she playing you a bit? You've been sexual with her, from what you have described (full head I think means something sexual if I am not mistaken). Your friend is important to you, you are attached and attracted, that is why you do those things for her that an intimate partner would do for one. She told someone else about a boy she fancies and not you because you two have some intimate moments together and maybe she did not want to cause you to become hurt or distant. She sounds like she is conflicted about what she wants from you and maybe you are conflicted about what you want from her. I hope you can work it out. Whatever happens, keep your head held high, maintain your dignity, and work on improving yourself and making more friends and finding the right person for you. I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 March 2014):
 You don't get exclusivity on, or the "rights" to her life by being her friend.
I have several female (and male) friends and there are SOME I am closer to them others. Some I shared certain details, others I didn't. It had nothing to do with whom had seen me naked or who was my BFF.
They could have had a conversation about relationships or boys and she brought it up, maybe because she is happy about the prospect about MAYBE having a BF soon. Maybe she didn't discuss it with you because she hasn't seen you with a BF?
Even if you are her BEST friend it still doesn't mean she can ONLY tell you or should tell you EVERYTHING first.
I agree with QfL that maybe you need to figure out why you think you "own" her or why she "owes" you to be the first to know what's up.
Is she your only friend? Because it kind of seems that way. Might be why you have this sense of entitlement?
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A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (14 March 2014):
 You are her friend, and perhaps she would have told you in time about the issue too. However, even though she tells you personal things, it doesn't mean you're the ONLY one she can tell them to.Also, I do think you might have a bit of an unhealthy attachment to her if you need to know every little detail about her life.I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe she shares more private issues with you, like the sexual things, but maybe there's some stuff like the guy trouble that she doesn't mind sharing with others, maybe it's not a private matter to her and she feels comfortable sharing it with someone else. If this little tidbit of information is the only thing making you question your friendship, I think you need to re-evaluate your perspective of what a friendship truly is. I'll tell you now, a friendship is not knowing every little aspect of another person's life, that's just being nosy.
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