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female
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*ot again
writes: Three years ago I suffered a really messy break up with my first love - but I've still held onto the love, I suppose. I've had other boyfriends since, but never felt the same. Recently, we started sleeping together again - but only a few times and only when we've had a few drinks. It was all going well upto the last time, but now he is distant. We deliberately dont have each others' numbers, and I am unlikely just to bump into him as he has moved out of my friend's house. What do I do? I don't want him to love me, I think I just want it to end nicely - because it didn't the first time, and I am devastated that I've put myself in a position where history could repeat. I had a party last night and he didn't even come. I could get his number and text him but if he didn't reply I'd be really upset. Is there anything I can do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005): Pops is pretty harsh with his comments, there is no indication that you are the one playing mind games. But I agree with the others. He doesnt love you, and that is ok!! But hold a special place in you heart for him, like Deliah says. Accpet that you will always love him, and grow from there. But don't sleep with him again- the longer it goes on the deeper you will get hurt- again. Amazing how getting back with an ex can bring up grief like it had just happened yesturday, aye!!??
Maybe flowers are too much, cos if he doesnt love you, he wont love flowers. But if you do see him, try to have a nice conversation- that could be closure enough.
Have faith that he, somewhere in his heart, has even the smallest of feelings for you.
No more alcohol around him, it only leads to trouble.
Best wishes for the future.
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reader, pops +, writes (4 September 2005):
Leave him alone. Let him end this the way he wants to, and quit thinking about your own feelings. I suspect that he picked up on how you feel the last time you were together, and he is disappointed. That is why he is distant. He doesn't want to have his feelings hurt, either. Just get on with your life, and learn from your mistakes. You need to work on being more direct with the men you love. While you and maybe your girlfriends like to play head games, men generally don't. And they hate teases.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (4 September 2005):
You want emotional closure before you can move forward. If you really love this guy and it sounds like you do, first of all you need to accept that your love for him will never go away, in other words he will always have a place in your heart. This doesn't mean there is no room for somebody else. For something to end nice its up to you to creat the ending you want with out any expections. You need to creat closure for yourself. Find out as discretly as you can either where he works or lives and send him a really sexy card or flowers, something memorable with out it costing the earth, with the message, "Thanks for being my greatest love"
or something like that, keep it very short and sweet, "Thankyou" even on its own would do. Just a nice memory for you both to have and to hold.
This really works as a way to close love relationships but remember you have to do it without any hope of reciprocation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2005): Forget about him. He obviously doesn't want to have a relationship with you and he also doesn't love you. Don't sleep with him again because you'll start to think that he loves you again, even if you've had a few drinks. Also don't bother getting his number because it isn't worth it.
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