A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't enjoy giving my boyfriend a blow job. Is that normal? Last night i kept trying and then gagging within a few seconds. He knows i don't enjoy it and can't understand why. Last night he told me that i should enjoy it really which made me feel like there must be something wrong with me. Is there? I've tried before with him a few times though I've never got very far. I've never managed to see it through to the end and I know I wouldn't swallow. Am i doing something wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): It's good that you want to please him. That means you have a good chance to overcome your reticence. BTW, you are not wrong or unusual. What he said was an attempt to manipulate you if he does it again, call him on it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): Yeah I wouldn't say many girls would say it was their favourite activity! but if you like oral sex on yourself then you should return the favour sometimes. I know what you mean though!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Nooooo, you're not weird at all! Actually you're completely normal! I think most women who were honest would confess that when they started giving blowjobs, they found it difficult and uncomfortable, and thought it tasted just horrible too. I certainly did! In fact, the very idea of it in my mid teens would make me panic, and my panic led to gagging and even hot sweats, which is neither comfortable nor pleasant for a girl!
However, giving a blow job is a beautiful thing for a guy to experience. In fact, in many ways, it's the most intense pleasure a guy can have, which makes it well worth trying to learn as a technique. However, no-one delivers a great blowjob naturally: it's something that needs to be learned and requires quite a lot of practice to feel normal! That takes time, just as it would take a while for you to learn to co-ordinate your hands to play the piano or to play a new sport. So don't put pressure on yourself to feel fine with it right from the get-go, or to be absolutely perfect from the start. I'm sure your boyfriend won't mind you practising your technique on him though as you accustom yourself to the odd sensation of oral sex. If he hassles you for anything you're not comfortable with, just say no! You have every right to explore this at your own pace.
First of all, make sure you're sitting comfortably. You don't want to be bending at an awkward angle and get cramp.
Also: try to feel a zen-like calm about it. Easier said than done, I know, when it smells funny, tastes funny and feels funny! The first thing to do is to try and relax physically by taking deep breaths and and thinking calm thoughts. I found that a lot of the gagging and panic I felt was hysteria - I kept practising and eventually became accustomed to it and then I could go for hours without gagging. Keep trying- it will get easier!
OK, so here's the theory: you have five things to co-ordinate. They are: your lips, the shape of your mouth, your throat, your tongue and your hands (both of which you need to use to make it perfect!) Yes, I know what you're thinking - FIVE??! Just take one at a time and build up. You'll soon be doing all five simultaneously without even thinking about it.
Start simply. Forget about deepthroating right at the start. It is a VERY weird feeling to have something so large in your throat, and you need to feel completely relaxed if it's not going to be a completely horrible experience for you. It could take several months, even years, to get to a point where you're okay swallowing it - and you absolutely should not feel like you have to rush it before you're completely comfortable. If your boyfriend thrusts forward in his excitement, put your hand firmly on his lower abdomen and push gently back. He should get the message that you are in control here.
To begin, focus on just the tip of the penis. Cover your teeth slightly with your wet lips to make sure that you don't have any painful accidents, and make sure you have plenty of saliva on the go (a dry mouth is painful for many guys). Lick first and then suck gently, using your hands to manipulate the shaft as in a handjob, with your fingers in a ring around the top of the foreskin, moving up and down rhythmically. Start the movement gently, and build up a little more pressure and suction as you go - the whole thing should work like a crescendo, getting more and more firm and exciting. You now have one and a half of the five - your lips, and one hand - in play. When he comes, do whatever feels most comfortable: most girls initially find it easiest to hold it in their mouth first, and spit it out. Swallowing may have to come later!
Once you've got the hang of doing this a few times, try to make it a bit more complex by adding in another element - your tongue. Use it to tickle down the thin line of skin that runs down the back from the very tip to the beginning of the foreskin. You can start by vibrating your tongue side to side across it, and then work up and down it while you continue to suck and work your hand. Guys love this!
Once you've mastered that, try adding in the other hand. Keep one hand working the shaft, and use the other to play with his balls while you tease him with your tongue and lips, stroking and lifting them upwards and forwards slightly. In particular find the strip of skin that runs backwards behind the testicles. If you feel there (gently) you will find a tube running just beneath the skin. Stroking this rhythmically in a straight or slightly circular motion, with increased pressure as you work towards climax, will drive him wild!
You should now be feeling a bit more comfortable with the whole idea of a blowjob, and you will hopefully find that you feel a whole lot more comfortable with the idea of taking his shaft deeper inside your mouth, while still working the other elements (the lips, the tongue, the hands). You can then begin to alter the shape of your mouth to suit his pleasure - use the base of your tongue and roof of your mouth to create a tight space, while still ticking his tip with the end of your tongue on the upstroke. Move your hand right down to the bottom part of his shaft, that you're not covering with your tongue, and synch your hand and lip movements. The bonus with this is that it makes swallowing much easier when he does come, because you can co-ordinate your movements to ensure that the semen goes straight down your throat so you don't have to taste it!
One thing to remember is that a guy's orgasm doesn't stop with the first 'squirt' but can become deeper and deeper if you continue, giving more and more pleasure until he is positively writhing uncontrollably with it.
Once you feel really comfortable you might even find you can take his penis into your throat, which gives a sensationally deep and intimate feeling that will make him groan with pleasure! To do this you need to be really, really relaxed though, to the point that you can 'switch off' your very natural gag reflex a little. So don't feel pressure to take it on before you're truly feeling ready. If you're really confident, you can then try taking your hand way from his shaft, and using your lips alone to 'rub' (this prolongs the experience for him).
Once you have got the hang of some of these elements, you can start to vary your technique a little. With practice, you will find you are able to tease your guy, taking him repeatedly right to the edge of orgasm without letting him come, thus drawing out his pleasure and ensuring that his climax, when it finally comes, is huge!
Just take it one step at a time, and it will get easier, I promise! And it will be worth it, in terms of giving your guy tremendous pleasure, creating intimacy that brings the pair of you closer, and hopefully improving sexual communication between you. Also, always remember that one good turn deserves another!! She who giveth certainly should receiveth also, and his technique better be every bit as good as yours will be! ;)
Good luck! x
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 A lot of girls don't like to give blowjobs, so it's perfectly normal on your part. It's similar to not everyone liking the same taste of ice-cream or something. Works for some, doesn't for others. In fact, from what I'm told, you're in the majority.
You'll have to communicate this to your boyfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all of your advice. It's also good to know that there is nothing abnormal about the way I feel. I really want to be able to pleasure him in this way as I know it's something he enjoys - so I'm going to try out your tips tonight and go buy some flavoured lube right now :-)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 If you're gagging, you're putting it too far in your mouth.
Just lick / suck the end only whilst using your hand on the shaft. Don't let him push it into your mouth. Guys will try that having seen in porn, but that's a serious 'stunt' and certainly not pleasant unless you know exactly what you are doing.
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female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (21 June 2010):
 There is nothing wrong with you. Lots of women don't like giving blowjobs. I know some people who even think it's degrading!
What is it that is making you gag? The taste or how far you're taking him into your mouth? If it's the taste then I suggest you take a shower together before you engage in anything sexual and you can also get some flavoured lubes. If it's the depth then follow Cerberus' advice and hold his penis by the shaft and only take the head of the penis into your mouth and do the rest with your hand, as if you were giving him a handjob.
You may not enjoy giving blowjobs any more than you do now but it should make it a little more comfortable for you.
As for the swallowing. Don't worry about it, even women who don't mind giving blowjobs don't always like swallowing. You can either pull away just as he is about to ejaculate, which isn't always the best feeling for the guy or you can carry on till he's finished and then spit.
Really your boyfriend should be happy that you're even willing to try.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (21 June 2010):
 theres nothing wrong with you im the same i cant stand giving my boyfriend a blowjob i put it off as often as i can.i know what you mean about gagging i do too if i go down too much but now i dont try deep throat.i put my hand round it at the bottom when im doing it so i dont go down too much maybe try that.my problem with blowjobs is it hurts my neck and my mouth and also theres no taste really so i get flavoured lube and suck the top of the penis as i hear its the most sensitive bit and have noticed it doesnt take that long for them to ejaculate also you dont have to do it fast just take it slow and try new things out with your tongue you might find it less boring if your not jus going up and down
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A
female
reader, Biola omoniyi  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 U are not doing somthing wronge, its not ur fault, but u wil av 2 try to enjoy it 4 is sake in other 4 him not 2 go else were.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Don't dispair, Blow jobs are so yesterday. A good hand job is way better anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): No it's not wrong to dislike giving blow jobs, I know lots of girls that don't and even think penis' are downright ugly.
If you're gagging then you're doing it wrong. You're the one giving it so it's important you do it in a way that's comfortable for you. Google techniques and see what you can come up with but there is a simple way to make sure you don't gag and frankly I'm surprized by the amount of girls I've been with that didn't know about this. Grab the penis by the shaft and have your hand just right distance so that it can't go far enough into your mouth and make you gag. That way even if he gets excited and starts thrusting you'll be able to control the depth. Simple yet effective.
As for your boyfriend he is an idiot, tell him to go try it and see how much he enjoys it. He should be delighted that you're even willing to try something you don't like doing to please him.
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