A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for eight years and we have a daughter who is three years old. I am comfortable with my life with my boyfriend and I do care for him, however I am not in love with him.Recently,I met up with my cousin, (1st cousin) who is female. I came on to her and one thing led to another and we are both madly in love! We are genuine people who simply cant help our feelings towards each other.However, the family are becoming suspicious as she is out as being gay and we are always with one another. Our family will definatley disown us when they find out and of course I am not enjoying being unfaithful to my current boyfriend but I cant stop seeing her. What would anyones advice be to me ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionor ex boyfriend should she have said....???
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi its been a while now.....
It turned out that my bf left or should i say cheated? Probley because he was aware of the situation?
Anyway me and my cousin are together and happy. All is going well at the min x
And it was not a nice situation to face... but we are both very in love!
xxx
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A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 this is for the original poster.
First off, I do not want to judge you and feel for you for the situation you've gotten yourself in.
I honestly think you are just confuse.
You've been with your boyfriend so long, and things have gotten boring.
You crave excitement in your mundane life.
So along comes your cousin to say, give and do the things that you want to make you feel alive again.
Honestly I think this is a test for you in life.
You don't mean to hurt your boyfriend but what you are doing is morally wrong. It is hurtful and deceitful and if the shoe was on the other foot, you would feel very betray.
If you do not love your boyfriend, then you have to end things with him as soon as possible.
He deserves to find his happiness in someone that will love him.
I feel you don't have to tell him the truth, just end it and move on with your life.
As for your cousin,
You may feel it's love now, but it's just lust.
Don't fall into temptation.
There are so many people out in the world and you will find someone who is not related to you.
As for the cousin/girlfriend
You can justify and rationalize your actions all you want but at the end of the day, you interfered in a relationship
and if you had high standards and morals, you would not have pursued this relationship knowing she had a boyfriend.
That my dear makes you a homewrecker.
You should have urged your cousin to end their relationship first if you guys were soooooooo "in love"
what it comes down to is both of you started this relationship based on lies and deceit.
Enjoy the fun now because when reality hits you in a couple of years...or months.
When the passion fades away,...what you guys have is "relationship" that no one will accept.
Let it go. both of you.
I love my brother,
my sister and all my cousins.
But there is a fine line that you never cross
and because both of you guys crossed it,
I would take a good look in the mirror to see what your values and beliefs are.
Good luck to both.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (13 April 2010):
this is for the original poster.
First off, I do not want to judge you and feel for you for the situation you've gotten yourself in.
I honestly think you are just confuse.
You've been with your boyfriend so long, and things have gotten boring.
You crave excitement in your mundane life.
So along comes your cousin to say, give and do the things that you want to make you feel alive again.
Honestly I think this is a test for you in life.
You don't mean to hurt your boyfriend but what you are doing is morally wrong. It is hurtful and deceitful and if the shoe was on the other foot, you would feel very betray.
If you do not love your boyfriend, then you have to end things with him as soon as possible.
He deserves to find his happiness in someone that will love him.
I feel you don't have to tell him the truth, just end it and move on with your life.
As for your cousin,
You may feel it's love now, but it's just lust.
Don't fall into temptation.
There are so many people out in the world and you will find someone who is not related to you.
As for the cousin/girlfriend
You can justify and rationalize your actions all you want but at the end of the day, you interfered in a relationship
and if you had high standards and morals, you would not have pursued this relationship knowing she had a boyfriend.
That my dear makes you a homewrecker.
You should have urged your cousin to end their relationship first if you guys were soooooooo "in love"
what it comes down to is both of you started this relationship based on lies and deceit.
Enjoy the fun now because when reality hits you in a couple of years...or months.
When the passion fades away,...what you guys have is "relationship" that no one will accept.
Let it go. both of you.
I love my brother,
my sister and all my cousins.
But there is a fine line that you never cross
and because both of you guys crossed it,
I would take a good look in the mirror to see what your values and beliefs are.
Good luck to both.
...............................
A
female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (11 April 2010):
I agree...... Right now the best interests of the child has to Be taken into account. I suggest the OP should give her bf full custody . That poor child will be soooo distraught and who better to take care of her but her dad. The sooner the OP tells the bf she is cheating on him and with whom the better for all concerned. My prayers are with the bdf and child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): You are one sick puppy. Not only are you cheating on your boyfriend, but with your first female cousin at that. Once your boyfriend finds out he needs to leave your no good ass and filed for full custody of your children, seeing how
you have no morals or values. Also, whoever said it is not incest to sleep with your cousin it only incest to sleep with a parent or sibling is SICK TOO!!!!!
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A
female
reader, LoveGirl +, writes (9 April 2010):
Oops I only saw now that you kissing cousins are both females. Ignore the offsprings story but the incest thing remains. Still sordid, still wrong and still messed up.
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A
female
reader, LoveGirl +, writes (9 April 2010):
You have an audacity to be judgemental yourself. Of course this is incest and of course you and your cousin lover will deny it. Time for both you lustful COUSINS to have a morality check. The best is for her bf to kick her out of his life and for him to rear their kid alone. Imagine the confusion the poor child will go through, not to mention the trauma. You both kissing and sexual cousins need to seriously check your blood line. Any breeding bet the two of you will result in a deformed offspring. That is a guarantee. She made her lover reply perhaps her live inbf (aka commom law hb)respond. You two are playing with fire and darling you two will burn. Guaranteed.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 April 2010):
Seeing a cousin isn't incest. Incest is with a direct relative (parent/child/sibling). But it's important the OP leaves her boyfriend, whether he is the father or not, so he is able to move on. There is no use in her staying if she's just going to continue like this, because one day either the boyfriend or the child will find out there has been cheating, and it will look very bad for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): Cousin/girlfriend, I'm reading the advice here and I don't see where there was any finger-pointing and name-calling. The OP asked for advice and everyone's advice was that she end the relationship with the boyfriend. This situation is difficult, but the only person who can settle this whole thing is your girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi this is the cousin/girlfriend....
thanks for the two none rude comments...
Yes my cousin/girlfriend, might be cheating, however we dont see it as incest for the fact we didnt grow up together...
Her boyfriend is a decent bloke however he obviously isnt what she wants or we wouldnt be in this situation... She loves him because he is the father of her child, but she isnt in love with him like she is with me, and i am in love with her, however this whole situation is hard on us both, i get jealous of her boyfriend when i think that they are home together.
I have to put everything to the back of my mind or I will go crazy. I wouldnt be so quick to point the finger and name call us, neither of us expected any of this it just happened, you never know what is around the corner for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Kylie,
Thank you for your reply, means alot as I am finding this very difficult.
It is easier said than done just being honest with him as I dont want to break him, though I know this is what I am doing anyway. As for our family, this is going to be alot harder than leaving him as I know all will be so dissapointed in us !!! Shit it it sooo hard really is xxxx But thank you xxx
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A
female
reader, Kylie2010 +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Ya its def not a good situation to be in... U need to be honest with him.. He would be crushed if he found out on his own.. just because you guys have a daughter together doesnt mean you have to stay with him... do what your heart tells you.. make the best of the situation... things will be alot better, just make sure its what you want, because i dont know if he would wanna get back with you.amd the you and her being cousins situation, ur family shouldnt disown you, they should back you up in any decsion.. even if its you two against the world, as long as you guys have eachother, yall should be happy!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 April 2010):
Leave your boyfriend, let it settle for a few months, then go back to the cousin. But please leave your boyfriend so he can find someone who does love him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): You really owe this to your boyfriend to be open and honest with him. It's no longer your choice if you should stay, it should be his choice if he leaves you or not for the sake of his daughter.
Guys appreciate honesty more than lies and obviously your living a lie.
As regards your famlies finding out, thats just a matter of time, it will happen at some point if you carry on with this.
Not a good situation to be in, cheating with whoever is the lowest of the low. A 1st cousin may also be incest.
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