A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a really bad problem. I am in love with my nurse and I know there is no way I can be with her. I have no idea how to stop feeling the way I feel for her. Everytime I see her I just realize how special she is, quite honestly I feel as if I don't want to be here anymore. What is the point? I can't be with the only person I want. But don't worry I am not going to do anything stupid it would hurt too many people, I don't want that.She is so special, I can't imagine ever feeling this way for anyone else. And quite frankly I don't want to. She deserves everything I feel for her, she is beautiful in every way imagineable. I want to tell her exactly how I feel and I have come close to it but it would be a bad thing to do, it would be put on my notes and I'd probably have to see another nurse and everyone would see what happened. I am sure she doesn't feel the same way for me, and I know she would never give up the job she is so good at and loves for me.I am hurting so much, to the point where I can't sleep and have had to be given medication to help me relax. I can't stop crying. I have this awful aching feeling and I feel sick.What should I do? How should I work through this? I am so confused about so many things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI took marieclaire's advice today and spoke to my counsellor about it. After going through it in depth and asking her what she thinks, whether it's tranferance or real. She doesn't think it is tranferance, now I feel no better but I feel that now I have actually said the words out loud, I am getting it out and working through it. I know this is going to be tough, whatever I do it's going to hurt and it's going to take a long time to heal from this. I love this woman but I can never tell her and will never be with her.
Trouble is I have no support. I can only talk to this counsellor about it as she doesn't speak to any of my other professionals. If I speak to any other professionals I see it will be put on my notes. I can't even talk to my mum about it as she is homophobic, she would hate it if she knew how I felt for this woman.
A
male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (13 April 2010):
I disagree with marieclaire for telling you what is and isn't love. I have loved women for smiling at me when I was having a bad day. It's not romantic love, but it is brain chemistry, and that's all love is anyway.Nevertheless, I think it's clear that this is a mental health issue and that your caretakers ought to know about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): Perhaps, what's happened to you is that you have very little contact with people that care for you and since she has shown that SHE DOES CARE ABOUT YOU, you have become infatuated with her because you have seen that and that takes away your loneliness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ marieclaire Ok I am open to that possibility, but as I did say it ISN'T just her nursing that makes me feel the way I feel about her. She does tell me things about her life, like the fact she is a single mum. She has told me stuff about herself, personal stuff. Ok not really really personal stuff but stuff not related to therapy or relevant to what we are talking about. I know things about her like, what music she like, what films she has watched and what pets she has. Maybe you could tell me more about transferance? And how you think I should deal with it if that is what I am experiencing.
Just one other thing that maybe relervant is, that when she first became my CPN we didn't get along at all. It only started to change last summer when I noticed how attractive she is. Then I tried to make it clear that I do like her (but I didn't make it clear I like her in the way I am telling you about on here). Now we have got to know each other she is very sweet to me. I have seen her be pretty unpleasant but it doesn't change a thing I think she is just a wonderful beautiful woman. And if this is transferance I am feeling I will be even more gutted because I never thought I could love anyone and if this is just transferance then it means I probably will never love anyone and I have to say it use to feel amazing the way I feel about her. Until the harsh reality of it hit me. Until this happend I believed I was A sexual, which depressed me so much. I did have crushes on women when I was a teenager but they stopped when I got into my 20's.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ marieclaire yes she is a CPN, but I don't think this is transference, because I have seen other CPN's in the past and this hasn't happend with them. Also it's not just her nursing skills that makes me love her it's her whole personality, her smaile, the smell of her perfume, just so many things. Plus when it first started it was purely a physical attraction but it's grown into something very special. There is no way this is an unnatural thing.
@ the male reader, thank you. In a ideal world that is what I would do but I know in my heart it isn't what she wants and the most important thing to me, is her happiness.
@ Laura1318 I try to not think about her but you know it's hard. Especially as I have to see her and then it brings it all up again. Sadly I am not strong enough to ask for another nurse the idea of never seeing this one again is too much to bare.
My only hope is that she finds everything she wants in life. No one could possibly love her as much as I do but I pray someone does come close to it and she will be happy. But it is hurting me so much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): i think that you should tell the nurse how you feel this is the sweetest story ever and anyone that sweet deserves anyone they want!!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Focus on your priorities in life or focus on God.You need to find something to replace those thoughts.
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