A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am form Pakistan but currently on visit visa in States. On third day of my visit, two months back, I went to strip dance club and fell in love with striptease dancer who was beautiful beyond description. After meeting her, for next two weeks, I was running like crazy after her to accept me as her boyfriend and she gave it up and we got off to start. One month back, she was diagnosed for dialysis “Both Kidney Failure” disease and mine turned match for her. Without telling my parents back in Pakistan, because I knew they would stop me, I donated one of my kidneys to her to save her life. I can still stay here for next three months but my girlfriend wants me to stay here permanently by marrying her, she says she won’t be able to live without me for a single second and neither me. She calls me crazy but I don’t know whatever I have done is crazy or rational decision but there are times in our life that demand quick decisions and these crazy decisions are tagged as rational action under prevailing circumstances. My girlfriend knows that I did everything without letting my parents know as such was the nature of that situation. Now coming back to my problem that how to disclose it on my parents in Pakistan that I have donated my kidney to her? Oh God my parents will create hell there and will eat me alive even over the phone, what should I do now? Another problem if I marry her, don’t you guys think, at heart she, will think I did everything for Green Card? I have talked to her about going back to Pakistan after us getting married but she said it would be really difficult for her to settle there. I love her more than myself! I would appreciate if you could help me come out of this crunch situation . Thanks
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female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (7 November 2011):
Can I say, what a brave and unselfish act that was. If you were my relative I would be proud that you went through that to save the life of another person without a second thought to yourself.
What is it that your parents would be angry about. Is is that you didnt ask their permition first.
I understand that culture is different in pakistan but you are at the end of the day, an adult who speaks for himself, surely thats got to mean something to them?
Maybe You should travel back home and explain to them in person what has happened and ask them to appreciate your honesty and hope that they accept what has happened.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 I do not think she thinks all you want is the green card. And if you and her still get along great, and want to marry, then seriously consider it.
As for your parents, you do not have to tell them you gave her a kidney, do you? Will they see you naked and see the scars? If not, then say nothing.
Even if you and her decide to get married, it takes time to sort out the paperwork and you will still have to apply for a visa. You do not automatically become a citizen. It's a process that takes time, and you will likely have to go back to Pakistan while waiting for the paperwork. So, take your time, you do not have to make up your mind within the next months. If you get engaged later on, you can apply for a visa to meet her to marry, then go back to Pakistan again and wait for a permanent resident visa. Take your time to decide what to do, because even if you marry her right now it'll be a while before you can live together are husband and wife.
Make sure also that she is someone you can live your life with. If you are religious, and she was a stripper, then I do not see how you can marry her.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 November 2011):
 why do you have to tell them about you only have one kidney now? you're an adult, you're making some..interesting choices but they're yours and you can own them without approval of surgery.
I know you say you're in love but I would take it a little easy. I think even if she weren't a stripper, I would be scared she's taking advatnage. I would have some reservations donating a life-organ to someone I've known two months. and this thing about the greencard. i know love is fun and exciting but I would take it a lot slower. you don't know what's going to happen at the end of the year, at the end of five years, etc. I want it to work out for you but don't be blinded by your feelings to the point of giving this woman everything before she's even earned it.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (6 November 2011):
Do you really need to tell your parents you gave her kidney to her? I mean, it's your personal health info and doctors can't tell them. It's not really your parents' business or decision what you do with your own body. So if it will cause so much turmoil, don't tell them. It's not their kidney. As for getting married, if you feel you are ready for it, go ahead. If you aren't sure, maybe you should try going back to pakistan and being long distance for a little bit just to further test your relationship. It's generally not a good idea to get married too quickly.
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