A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to keep it short, sacrificing a lot of the details so bear with me.My GF and her female cousins have had/have an intimate relationship with a male cousin. Proven thanks to people leaving their facebook messages open for all to see.... so what's been going on is that every time he is anywhere near her she gets all distant and makes an awkwardly large circle around him when she passes by. Whenever i ask a question about these awkward things he does like constantly trying to touch her, stealthily lowering his hand to her backside, brushing her boobs with his hands elbows, resting them right at her boob she just brushes it aside changing the topic or getting sporadically angryNow the thing is i cannot get a straight answer from her about what is going on, today i saw him kiss her other cousin passionately and i was disgusted, she pretended she didn't seei can guarantee this is not a figment of my imagination as a couple of her friends have noticed the weird relationship her female cousins have with him and the things he does when he thinks no one is looking.My GF told me about them having a relationship but only kissing " a long, long, time ago"... So my question is what should i do, they keep being awkward and i have run out of ideas I do love her with my all heart
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): I think you're not giving her enough credit here and being really nosey about her past too.
What happened between her and this cousin is really none of your business. I'd be pissed if I was with someone and they kept pestering me for details of past relationships too.
I don't think you're giving her enough credit in the sense that she does try and avoid him because of how tactile he is. Most women won't outright tell a guy to piss off for that kind of stuff, they'll try and avoid situations where he can be like that instead. She does that and she's also a little stuck in that he's family so she can't completely avoid him.
OP what he does with the other cousin is also none of your business. Seriously what's that got to do with you or your girlfriend?
Now I understand how you feel about him being touchy feely, and normally I expect my women to deal with that firmly, but I certainly would give her credit trying to avoid it.
In your situation it seems your girlfriend has an issue here with someone making her really uncomfortable, her boyfriend actually being a bit of dick and grilling her about it, and also going behind her back to check messages and talk to her friends about the whole situation. You're not exactly making this better for her, OP, you're being a bit of a dick about it and putting too much of this on her.
As I said I prefer my women to be able to handle male attention properly but in your girlfriends case this is a little much for her, she is trying but he's not taking the hint and seeing as he's like this with other women too I think it's something none of them have been able to resolve.
Now my wife is very forthright, strong willed and not afraid to tell guys to fuck off, but there are situations where I can do that job for her and spare her the grief and as her husband that is my duty.
Instead of giving my wife shit for having a guy make her feel this uncomfortable and demanding answers I'd fix it myself, and tell him politely and gently that he's being too handsy with her and it's making me and her uncomfortable. No threats, no anger, just man to man mark my territory and tell him in all honesty that she feels she has to avoid him because of that.
Now if he's a decent lad he'll respect that, if not then he can spend the next few hours having his nose reset, because no one gets to make my wife feel that uncomfortable by sleazing on her.
OP it would be wrong for me to advise you to use violence and I am not advising that, so don't be that way. The point I'm making is that instead of putting this on her maybe it's time you stepped up and put an end to a guy who is verging on sexual harassment and she doesn't feel strong enough to deal with.
I don't know what answers you want from her or what those answers will do about this situation. Just ask the guy to respect your relationship and be less handsy with your woman.
I have a feeling he will, and while there is a chance your girlfriend may not appreciate you butting in, no one can blame you for wanting to protect her that way. You know her better than me though, OP, you may have to ask her permission before you talk to him. My wife knows I only play the hero when it's necessary, she knows I'm not going behind her back because she appreciates that I'm on her side and backing her up. Maybe your girlfriend is not that way. But you really need to give her more credit here and stop treating it like he's hiding something or this is her fault. You can see what he's doing, you can see how hard she works to avoid it, so she doesn't deserve you airing her dirty laundry with your friends and questioning her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): Could it be that he abused her as a child....? The reason being is abuse has such great power, it also when established in families has this disgust v loyalty aspect going on.. With the victim not wanting the attention, but neither wanting the family member to get into trouble... Now abuse doesn't have to be full sexual intercourse, it can be anything from an unwelcome touch, to an unwelcome kiss.. I think if you love her, you do need to get her to open up to you .. Which can be pretty difficult if she thinks you may feel disgusted, as she may feel this reflects on her even when it doesn't .. Abuse victims normal carry much of the baggage and blame as they wonder 'why ' did they pick me..Certainly kissing cousins in my household would be deemed as unacceptable and if he is doing it, sneakily then it's not accepted in their house either..I would firmly let this guy know this is your girl.. Strike up a convo about whatever interest then say oo my mother/sister was talking about this guy who just wouldn't keep his hands to himself always brushing up against her etc.. My mother//sister was totally shocked by his behaviour.. Then add don't you just hate guys who act so disgustingly .. Then see what he says..Let your girl know that if he does this WITH HER again you will be saying something .. Take care x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): It's not her fault her cousin's a perv. Maybe she doesn't know what to do at the moment. Maybe he's just being an idiot and is playing perverted jokes. He's groooossss. Why would anyone wanna date a cousin? Thats just so''' so''' eewww!
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