A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently just moved in with my bf, we were in a long distance relationship. We've been living together for about three months now.He is a nice guy, but lately I just find it difficult to connect with him. I don't get very much emotional involvement from him, even physical. When I first moved in, we had sex a lot, but it's slowly decreasing. I feel like part of it is my fault, because I'm not feeling connected to him anymore so I kind of closed up. Like I said, he is a nice guy but he doesn't show his emotions very much, he rarely talks sweet to me, rarely does anything thoughtful, and doesn't put much effort into getting close to me. When I try to talk to him about it, he insists that I'm trying to change who he is, and he just doesn't want to try. Isn't it common sense to want to do nice things for the ones you love, and go out of your way to do it? I've been doing things for him that I normally would never do. I don't want him to spend tons of money on me, or put all his effort into doing sweet things, but a little note every now and then, or telling me how much I mean to him, is that so hard to ask for? Since I'm unemployed at the moment, I clean for him, I cook for him (I started learning how to just for him), I wake up early with him even though I am NOT a morning person, and I make him breakfast. I leave notes in his lunch.. I dress up sexy and surprise him when he gets home even though I have had body issues my whole life and this is completely out of my character, I do it because he likes it. But the fact that he does absolutely nothing for me besides work and provide income (I am helping with income as well with my saved money), just makes me not want to try as well..He doesn't try to listen to me. I feel like I'm trying to make this relationship work and he's just not wanting to put any effort right now.How the heck am I supposed to get anything out of this man? He is making it incredibly difficult for me to love him.
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female
reader, bardia  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 Get out now! Don't waste another moment of your precious life on him. I don't care how 'nice' a person he may seem to be. If he's emotionally unavailable & doesn't do even the nice little things he could then he is not invested in the relationship & is most likely with you because it's comfortable & you take care of him. That will not make for a longterm relationship. Or if you keep trying these things he'll continue to take you for granted & you'll both end up resenting each other. I ended a relationship just like your's a few weeks ago. There is no interest on his end, he's just not that into you. Yes. Guys who truly love & want you will SHOW it in many ways. Yours is telling you exactly where this relationship stands by putting no effort into it. I'm sorry. Message me if you need encouragement. But don't beat your head against a brick wall doing all those things for someone so unappreciative. I'm telling you, I did all the exact same things!
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