A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 and no longer live at home. One day i went to my parents house to visit but they were not there. So i thought i would check my email while i waited. When i went onto yahoo mail, my dad had not signed out of his account and something just told me to look. I know it was wrong of me but i couldnt help it. There were so many messages that he had sent other guys and that other guys had sent him. My dad is having sexual relationships with over 20 different men. The gay thing does not bother me at all, by best friend is a lesbain. Its the fact that my parents have been married for 30 years. I dont know if my mom knows or not bc it is very possible that she does and just brushes it off because he comes home to her every night. But if she does not know, I think it would kill her. I would talk to my little sister about this but she is 18 and i dont think shes mature enough to handle it. Someone please, what do i do? I cant even look at him any more. The emails were VERY graphic and I cant get the images out of my head.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): You need to tell your dad and if he will not comply and tell your mom as well, then you must tell her. You found out for a reason nonetheless it is your mothers right to know. I would be pissed myself, but I would be more mad if no one told me. Cheating is cheater. If he says she already knows, then make sure and ask her yourself, he may be lying to you in the first place due to the fact he has not told you already. You both have a right to know straight from him in his own words, and now you do. Take the necessary steps and do whats right. Follow your insticts, thats all I can leave you with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): i hope you still visit this. beacuse i've found my dad does the same thing.except i have seen texts and the websites he visits.i hope everything turned ok for you!i need someone to tlak to about this, so anyone got good advice?xxx
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A
male
reader, nahum2102 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 hey, i think you should just keep it to yourself, please dont involve your sister, no one else needs to know, think about the pain it would cause them, think about how things around your home would change, specially if everything is fine around you home and hes loving and caring towards you and your mother. Do the best to get it out of your mind and think of how much your father loves you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): PLEASE DON'T get interfered into your dad's business. sometimes we have to close an eye to everything. this is just as normal as having sexual fantasies, especially for men at your dad's age. don't tell anyone, trust me. don't keep it within yourself either. forget about this. or if you really want, just talk to your dad about it. don't involve other people.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 Tricky. You have uncovered something that you should not have. You have to consider what will happen by telling: 1) your father 2) your mother 3) your sister 4) no one. You would know the dynamics of your family better than anyone on this website. Try to anticipate the situation the day after, the week after etc. We can only speculate.
Whichever you ultimately choose will have an effect on you. You will also have to live and deal with your conscience after you have decided.
There is one area where I will give you a definate answer: make sure you DO make a decision. Indecision and pondering will have a definate negative effect on you. Set a deadline date. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): I think its not good to tell anybody except yuor dad.becarefule for your mom.just discuss with your dad and find the solution
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): Hunny,
I feel you should talk with your dad on this one, It could be right about your parents having an open relationship.
You need to talk to him to sort it out in your head dont involve anyone other than you father untill you no the facts.
I can understand how upsetting this is and how upset you are for your mum but dont upset her and all the family untill you have spoken with your father TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): I think she needs to know. It's not your bussiness but Wouldn't you want someone to tell you if your partner is cheating to you? Or would you rather be the laughing stock of your town?I think you should not tell your father. Why would you want to talk to your father about his sexual life with other men? Ew! Your parents got married and promised to each other unconditional and eternal love and you are not going to tell your mother she is married to a liar? You are not going to tell your mother she is in high risk of being infected with multiple STD's including AIDS? You know what dear? Condoms were not made and cannot be guaranteed to work well in anal sex. That's why gay people have a major risk of becoming contaminated with multiple STD's. If you don't tell your mom you are enabling this situation and you might regret it later. Sooner or later she'll find out because what your father is doing has become an addiction. It would surprise me very much to know your mother already knows about your father's cheating with gay men because no self repecting woman will tolerate this. She must have a very low self esteem. Warn her and walk away, don't get involved. I hope you read this.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 Say nothing. It is not your business. The only way you could have such graphic pictures in your head is that you read MORE than just glancing at it, which you should not have done.
For all you know your parents have an open relationship.
If you MUST say something, talk to your dad, and hear what he has to say. Don't go jumping to conclusions about anything. Again, it is non of your business.
Do NOT involve your younger sister into your drama.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): I think you should not tell your mom, and instead you should confront your dad directly. As much as he is your dad, the problem is really between him and his wife. He is cheating on his wife for reasons you probably do not know about. Even if what he has done and is doing is a bad thing, these problems should be sorted out between the people involved, and not really from the 'third' person.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 This is a difficult situation. Your father is cheating on your mother multiple times, and then he is gay and uses her as a cover. It's difficult to know whether you should talk to your mother or not. And, once she knew, she would be the one making the decisions, at she would be the concerned party.
The first thing I would recommend is that you find out whether your mother knows. If she knows, then she is staying with him for her own reasons, and perhaps wouldn't like you to discuss the problem. If she doesn't know, then I would talk to her. Your father's cheating is just too much. She has a right to know and to decide what she will do.
That said, I think she knows. She or your sister. It's impossible that no one will notice the time your father spends online. And it's also impossible that your mother won't smell something is the matter. How would your father control twenty men so they won't call home, for example?
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