A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:Hello, I am 47 year old young widow and am dating a 39 year old for seven months now. While I always knew he had dirty photos of his old girlfriend's in his computer, it never bothered me, but I did wonder...... also- he has taken dirty photos of me. He still has the photos of his old girlfriends in his computer and I told him I don't care. Yesterday I had the opportunity to look into his computer when he was not home..... anyway I saw all the photos and now it makes me sick to my stomach. He has these kinky things he likes to do and now I got to see him do it with his previous girlfriends and it makes me feel less special. Also, he is Greek and wants to know everything about me but he won't tell me anything about him.... (that is another question). I wrote him a long email this morning and told him I looked in his computer and saw the photos - I told him I just don't feel as special anymore and also that he has a photo in there that was created when he and I were dating... duh - but we were not in a committed relationship with eachother. My question is... I probably should NOT have told him I looked in his computer, right? but he would have found out anyway...... Also, he SHOULD get rid of the old girlfriend's photos right?Also, anyone that has any advice on dating Greek men?? - they are sure different.Thank you very much Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again for your post. I do hope he doesn't end the relationship either. Also, before I looked at the pictures he knew I knew they were there and before he left for work we were joking about me looking on his computer at the pictures. He said he thought that maybe I had already seen them one other time. Now, he said he was kidding about that remark. I have huge trust in him he doesn't in me since we started dating. I am in the lifestyle and was in it before we met and he seems to think I can go have gone off with others behind his back and he even has to literally "smell me" to make sure. I know, I probably should have issues just on that. However, besides all the kink and differences in our relationship, our personalities really do seem to click. I can only keep my fingers crossed. I know, I think if he ends it - it is a trust issue he will have with all women also I have never done anything wrong in the relationship and I admitted I did it and that I should not have.Thank you very much.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Respect for each other and each other's privacy is important, and I'm sure you value yours as much as he values his.
A number of issues to consider that only you and he can answer:
A BDSM lifestyle needs an exceptional degree of trust between the partners. If that trust has gone, or never existed, then both of you really should question whether the relationship should continue.
It seems to me to be evident from his reaction that the pictures on his computer were for his viewing only. Any pictures he might take of you would similarly be for his viewing only. You breached his trust, the trust of leaving you alone with the computer, by going through it and then by looking at the pictures - I notice that you say "pictures" not "picture", so you didn't stop after you saw one and realised it was private.
BUT this is now out in the open. You didn't try to hide the fact that you had seen the pictures or that you had concerns about them. His "secret", the pictures, is also now out in the open. Maybe you can move forward together, but you both have to be very sure - as I said, particularly because of the type of lifestyle you follow. I also think that if the relationship is to continue, it would be perfectly reasonable now for you to ask him to delete any pictures that are sexually explicit but certainly not any others. I still have pictures of some of my earliest boyfriends (all of them fully clothed!), and I would be most offended if my present partner asked me to delete them. It's completely unreasonable. That's my history, in the same way that I keep pictures of my cats and my children.
I don't accept that Greeks are necessarily any more or less respectful of women than any other race or, indeed, any more or less highly sexed. As with any other race there are a wide mixture of attitudes, desires and abilities. I have known several Greek men over the years and found them to be charming and perfectly respectful.
I hope he doesn't simply end the relationship, because I think you need to talk even if the end result is that you mutually agree it should come to an end.
Good luck.
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reader, duskyrowe +, writes (24 April 2008):
 I am dating a Greek Cypriot guy too, but he never divulges in my sexual past. He always says past is the past and it is me thats his girlfriend and that is that. Greeks tend to be highly sexed, (well my fella is anyway) lol.
He does not have images of his exes on his computer, because he has never taken erotic photos of them. Tell him to get rid of the photos or he is history. Dusky xxxx.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer. Yes, I enjoy what he is into - as a matter of fact we are into a different lifestyle - bdsm, actually. The fact is that he chose to still keep these on his computer. Now he is angry as he read the letter I wrote him telling him I saw them. Now he says he has trust issues with me. Even though last night it almost seemed like he knew I was going to go on his computer and look at them. He is so mad at me and now I wonder if he will end the relationship because I did this. I can only just wait until later to find out.
Thank you
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (24 April 2008):
You need to consider seriously whether the "kinky things he likes to do" are things you want to do too. That's the real issue here, not him having photos on his computer - because it's far from unusual for men to have "dirty photos" on their computers whether of women they know or gathered from the Internet. Far more important is whether you can meet his particular needs and enjoy doing it.
The broad spectrum of what people enjoy doing sexually never ceases to amaze me. Generally, bizarre as some of it may be, I think it's wonderful that there are so many diverse tastes - as long as it remains legal and not damaging to anyone else. Do think very carefully about it. You might enjoy his particular quirks, but if they are definitely not for you then he is definitely not for you, otherwise you will end up in a relationship where one of you will always be frustrated.
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