A
female
age
36-40,
*eal1on
writes:ok i've been talking to this dude for a week and he wants to have sex with me but im not ready, he performed oral sex to me but i didnt return it to him, he said that im selfish and i was so wrong for not doing him, was i?????
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male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Hi there,I get the impression that there may have been a lack of communication prior to the act. If it was his idea to initiate oral, than he probably assumed that your consent to this sex act implied a prelude to more. By your refusal he most likely feels somehow ‘cheated.’If you had a prior agreement to go further and then you changed your mind after you got your fortune cookie, than it is only human nature he may feel this way. (Although it is still 100% your right to change your mind!) However, if he just decided to do it and you went along, than whatever he imagined was implied by your consent only existed in his mind and you are at no fault for having a different opinion.Regardless, no person has the right to use guilt, pity or any other form of emotional/psychological manipulation to receive sex acts. That violates the foundation of trust that is inherent in the act, even if you’ve only known the person a short time.If you are not ready, then you are not ready. Period. End of discussion. He can either accept that fact and agree to slow the relationship down to a level that is comfortable for you both, or he can be honest with you about his feelings, which may end with you both going your separate ways.Either way, the ball is in his court. (Although his actions thus far are not flattering his personality!)No matter how this situation resolves, try to glean a valuable life-lesson from this experience. That being; the best foreplay is open and honest communication! ;)I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, HPC11 +, writes (7 April 2009):
 No your not being selfish AT ALL! My ex would finger me all the time (even if I didn't want him to) And I never did anything for him in return, in that department, really... because I didn't want to and I wasn't ready. *I had Carpal Tunnel so I didn't have to do it* If you are not ready you aren't READY! and no guy can tell you, you are when you aren't. So do what YOU feel comfortable doing. And if he wants to do that you should look at it as a special treat not an obligation to do the same. Good Luck : )
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (7 April 2009):
 You are not selfish for not returning the act. He's trying to make you feel bad so you have PRESSURE to do it next time. And besides, I'm sure you didn't ask for him to do it, and it sounds like he only did it to get some in return.
It's been a week, and it's too early for oral or any kind of sex. Take your time and don't listen to what he saying.
Good luck
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