A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts/Uncles,Heres the situation. I usually text my girl every other day. We swap text message back and forth. We dont see each other much but when we do get together its on the weekends 1-2 a month. Just depends on the month and each others schedule. Well one day I didn't have time/didn't feel like textin her back. She knows I have feelings for her and I really like her. However after I waited a day or so and she texted back she was prying me for info. She wanted to know what was up? If something was wrong? If she was doing too much? If I wasn't happy or if I was just trying to please her? If I thought she was texting to much? It felt like she had gotten very defensive about me waiting a mere 6-7hrs to text her back. It felt like I had wronged her in some way and she wanted me to come clean with it. She was pushing me for answers. She didn't hit any deep cords with me but it made me think. She had missed an entire week of replying to my messages and I told her it bothered me but I respected the fact that she was busy. I confronted her about it saying it was something I felt inside me. However her reply felt like the blame was all on me. Like it was me that crossed the invisible boundary. Shes a very sweet and nice girl and I know she didn't at all want to be seen as being upset or rude. However I felt that she came on a little strong. Am I right to think that? I realize im not always ther for her but comments like "I know you dont like to hurt people but I want you to be honest with me". It seemed like she was P.O. but accepting of the situation. So I replied to her telling her I wasnt upset with her or anything. I told her I cared for her and not to worry. I really like this girl and i want things to work out with her. Am I wrong to think that she over reacted? That she was getting defensive? I don't think its a big deal to miss a day when having communication with her. I realize communication is important in the type of relationship were in but I felt the precedence was set that its not a big deal if you miss a week. Id never miss a week but I feel like this little hiccup is evidence that she is not ok with me doing the same things that she does. I guess these are my ideas about this situation. Am I wrong to think and feel this? Does anyone see where Im coming from? How can I be ther for her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Dear Aunts,
Pretty sure she ignoring me now. I sent her at least 15 text messages telling her whats up with my life and not worry. 10 or so in response to her 11-12 she sent me and another 5 that evening to say goodnight and to kind of show that I can text a lot too. To make her feel less bad about sending me so many. O-well guess its just a phase.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (12 August 2010):
No you are not wrong! boy did she ever get carried away? what happened was when you both texted on a regular bases it became part of ya'lls routine so when she didn't her from you it became out of the norms for you? so she became suspicous. and also she has some deep issue w/ relationships! was she burned before? i could see if she had been concerned that maybe something could have happened to you when she didnt hear from you! that would of been a nice thought! not a raging looney. how long have u 2 been dating? you need to set it straight w/ her now before it gets out of hand. and just tell her your sorry but only once do you need to say that and let her know when things come up there will be times that i wont text you at the same time / same day but if i don't doesn't mean i dont love ya! and then listen to her reply! and watch her expressions too! very important. and if she gets really upset or doesn't understand i would consider her a very needy clingy non trusting person and you might have problems w/ this one? not that maybe you cant work on those issues just know (RED FLAG) one
GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (12 August 2010):
 sometimes what happens in relationships is you have a disagreement, one person takes one side, the other on another side, but over time you two think about it and become more moderate/ more on the other person's side than you were to begin with. so, SHE may actually think YOU set a precedent of 'lets be worried when we don't hear from each other from what we perceive to be a long time' and so she acted on her concerns. I don't think she was defensive it just sounded like she was worried about you and wanted to make sure she didn't turn you off or jeopardize the relationship in some way. It's also possible that as more time has elapsed in your relationship she feels closer to you than she did that random off-week, and is more emotionally dependent on your luv. or, maybe she was just having a bad day and was hoping you'd be there for her that day. if you can't handle the badgering she gave you just make sure you make it clear that you don't want to talk every day or for it not to be a big deal to have you-time, a day off something like that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): I can see how it doesn't seem fair, given that you've waited for a whole week for her to reply and she confronted you after a delay of only a few hours, but as Moo's Mum said, the delay is apparently a deviation from your normal routine. I think that is why she expressed worry.
And while I see how she came on strong, and how it seems unequal and unfair given her texting record, but that said, I don't know if she was accusing you of wrongdoing. In fact, it sounds like she was worried that you thought she'd done wrong. From what you've told us it sounds like she was afraid you were finding fault with her...that she was texting too much, that you didn't like her as much as before, that she'd done something wrong, etc. What you quoted her as saying ("I know you dont like to hurt people but I want you to be honest with me") makes me suspect this. She was saying, "Hey, I know you're a nice person who doesn't like to hurt people, but don't sugarcoat this: did I do something wrong? Please tell me!!"
This actually happens with my boyfriend and me a lot; I'm worried that I've upset him, I corner him about it, and he thinks I'm criticizing him. He thinks that if I'm worried that he's upset, it means I think he's done something wrong, and he get confused and angry because he didn't think he was doing anything wrong--not giving me any reason to worry, that is.
So, I guess in conclusion I'd say...think about it, see if my theory is what you think is going on. Is it your girl being worried and insecure? Or is she finding fault with you? Maybe you need to have a talk with her about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Does she want to be seeing you more than the 1-2 weekends a month she's currently seeing you. If she's a nice girl maybe she's afraid to say this to you. Maybe she thinks you're not really interested in her if you don't want to see her that often and she's worried about it. Being worried like that and then you not texting could get her really worked up. Maybe she stopped texting for awhile to see what you'd do because she's wondering what you're thinking.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I spose looking at it from her side the wait was unusual and it probably was a normal reaction for her to wonder what was going on with you. If that was your normal pattern of replying she wouldn't have given it a second thought. But from your side I understand where you are coming from too. This is a case of what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. Remind her that you have other things in your life besides her and just because you don't text back instantly doesn't mean you don't care about her it just means that you are busy. If it's alright for her to not txt you back instantly then it should be alright for you too.
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