A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night i went to a small party of about 20 people. We played beer pong and all of us got really really hammered. My friend put me to bed and another male friend ended up sleeping in the same bed as me. At first we just talked and we cuddled, but I didnt want to hook up with him. Against my wishes, he started kissing me and trying to fondle me, i kept pushing him away but I did not utter the word NO at any point. As I said, I was really drunk so after awhile I just gave in and although I didnt want to. I started to pass out and he took my pants off and started having sex with me. It only lasted about 2 mins and he didnt finish, but by this point I was passed out. I feel awful right now, my question is "is this considered rape?" I didn't say no, but I was pushing him away but I couldve left or done more to stop him but I wasnt able to because I was drunk
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): same exact thing happened to me a long time ago. it's not rape because you didn't say no. i learned my lesson. so should you. tough it up and don't get drunk and sleep in the same bed with nasty std infested manwhores.
for real... ha
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): your actions spoke enough. That is a stupid stigma that a girl has to say the word no. How many times have you had sex where you didn't say yes? How literal are we? This is called date rape, and yes, its rape with a dumb name.
The bad news is that if you are brave enough to press charges, which I hope you are, it is difficult to convict. Talk to an attorney or another adult you trust.
You didn't deserve this no matter what happened. I hope you seek help not only in coping with the rape, but also in any legal battle you pursue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice, it really helps to be able to tell people without being judged. i would definetly say i was taken advantage of, but it is my fault for failing to protect myself by being too drunk and trusting people i probably shouldnt have. i have learnt my lesson, but i still feel really sad and violated. im ashamed that i let this happen to myself, but i shouldnt fully blame myself i guess. :(
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 In my opinion no this is not rape, but if you go to the police I'm sure you would at least have some sort of case for rape.
The reason why I do not think it was rape is because a. you were drunk and allowed yourself to get into that situation, and b. you did not tell him to stop at any point in time.
I am very sorry this happened to you but you have to accept some responsiblity here. You were so drunk anything could of happened to you - why is it a good idea to drink so much that this sort of thing can happen? If you are too drunk to be able to control your actions then I am sorry but it is partly your fault. Would you use the same excuse for murder? "I could've done more to stop the situation but I pulled the trigger because I was drunk". It is no excuse, this guy was probably pretty drunk too and thought because you did not get out of the bed when he got in that you were up for it, and when you did not tell him to stop he just carried on. While it is no excuse on his part - men really should learn to not have sex with really drunk girls otherwise they can get into whole heaps of trouble - he didnt hear you telling him to stop so really it is not rape.
The right thing to do would have been to get out of bed as soon as he entered the bed, but if you are so wasted that you cannot even get off your back then you really have a problem with drink and need to get some help. Your safety has to come first, and if you are happy to drink so much that you are willing to compromise your own safety, then there clearly is something wrong here. Yes as teenagers we all get drunk and have fun with friends, sometimes drinking too much. But you need to know your limits, I have never been so drunk where I needed assistance to get into bed and passed out, or where I have forgotten the events of the night. If you drink to that point frequently, then you have some issues with drink.
I dont mean to lecture here, I cant imagine how awful this is for you and I am very sorry this has happened. If you want to go to the police then it is worth a try, the alcohol element will really go against you but if he did have sex with you whilst you were not conscious then you might have a bit of a case.
Get an STD test done too, that is incredibly important right now.
I hope you learn your lesson from this - it is a very harsh lesson to learn but at least you now know that you cannot drink this much ever again - you are putting yourself in danger when you get so drunk you cannot take care of yourself.
Sorry once again if any of this comes accross as harsh, it is just seen so frequently these days and I cannot comprehend how girls can get themselves into such a situation.
I hope this helps and good luck.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (29 March 2010):
He doesn't sound like any kind of friend to me. He really took advantage of you and yes it sounds like rape to me.
I think you would be best off staying well away from this man ever again and seeing this as a lesson learnt. Perhaps you can confide in a close friend, do not use the word rape but see what she says.
Be very careful about where you choose to get so drunk in future. It was not your fault what happened, but there are many people out there who will always take advantage if they can see the opportunity.
Hope you can feel better about what happened and move on from this sweetie.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Oh, and obviously make sure that you are safe - see a doctor.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj +, writes (29 March 2010):
I'd say yes but I don't think that it would help you much if you took it to the police. Just stay well clear of this guy in the future and make it clear to him why.
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