A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i have been with my boyfriend for four years now. He is black and i am Hispanic. I am an honors student with very high expectations from my parents. I never told them about my relationship because they would have disproved on the fact that he is black and lives in the projects. But wouldnt get to know him. The found out because they found a used condom under my bed and at first went crazy. Forbid me to ever speak to him. But then after talking to my counselors they agreed to meet with him and have scheduled visitations when my parents were around. They where going to give him a chance but then i went to hang out with him after school one day and didnt tell my parents about him before they got a chance to meet him. Now my parents dont trust me at all and say they will never accept the relationship now. what so i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): "Now my parents dont trust me at all and say they will never accept the relationship now. what so i do?"Accept the consequences of your actions. You violated your parents trust once by having sex in your bed in THEIR home with a guy who is a total stranger to them, they agreed to talk to your counselors and subsequently agreed to meet this guy under supervised conditions to give them a chance to know a guy they already knew had had sex with their daughter in THEIR home, and then you went out and willfully violated their trust again when you "went to hang out with him after school." Your parents don't trust you because YOU have proven to them beyond a doubt that THEY CAN'T TRUST YOU. If I were them, then I'd chain you in the basement (figuratively speaking) so you can't sneak out and get yourself knocked up with a kid that they're going to have to raise because their daughter the uterine host is completely and totally and utterly irresponsible.Don't blame your parents for not approving of your boyfriend, blame yourself for not meeting their very reasonable expectations when they agreed to meet you halfway AFTER finding a used condom under your bed in THEIR home. This is totally on you, nobody else to blame but the person in the mirror.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (7 November 2012):
 Sit down and talk to them like an adult. You are in the age group of 18-21 which means you are not a little girl anymore and many parents have a hard time seeing that their little girl has grown up before their very eyes. You have to realize they only want the best for you. All parents want their daughter to be honored by the perfect man, who will love and treasure them and treat them with respect. Their concerns is that this stranger is corrupting their precious daughter. You on the other hand, are growing up and you are spreading your wings as far as dating and enjoying being an adult and this is what's at the root of this major collison. Also they feel you are sneaking around and being dishonest. The best damage control is for you to sit down with both of them alone, not with your b/f there, and tell them you've reached the age where it's time for you to make your own decisions. They can either accept this as part of the normal cycle in everyone's life (God only knows if your Mom's parents liked your Dad when he first started sniffing around her...but I digress.) You should then tell them why you like this guy. Sell them on all the things you find appealng about him and help them see him with an open mind. Secondly, they cannot really forbid you to do anything. You're old enough to make your own choices, although if you are living under their roof, they have a slight advantage (our house, our rules). So think carefully about your options. Can you move into your own apartment without their financial help? If not, you need to come to a compromise. If they can accept you as an adult, capable of making your own choices, you'll stop sneaking around like a 12 year old girl and tell them when you're going, and who you will be with and hopefully you can come to an agreement. Just speak to them with love; understand where they are coming from and then speak in a normal tone, don't raise your voice (even if they do) just stay calm, state the facts and try to reason to them. If it doesn't work out, get up quietly and leave. Don't storm out, or slam doors or start behaving like an upset child. Be an adult. When the dust settles, they'll respect you for it. Good luck.
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