A
female
age
41-50,
*rainless
writes:What hurts me the most is I've been married to my husband for four years but together for five. We have 3 kids together and every time we fought he decided it was best to take off for days then come back and tell me it wasn't any of my business and I didn't have a right to know where he had been. And I felt he was wrong and I felt I couldn't trust him at all. I may not be perfect but I know I have a kind heart and he wants to leave me because I don't have the same IQ as him and I didn't think I had to have the same IQ as him. I've loved love him for five years but he never loved me. I feel like I'm never going to make him happy! So I feel I will never be good enough for anyone. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
 He's NOT good enough for YOU....
how's that.
no you don't need to have the same IQ.. oy that would so limit us.
he does not sound like a very good partner.
disappearing for days on end and then not telling what where or when?
we don't do ANYTHING without clearing it with the other first... purchases, activities, anything.
If my man disappeared for over 24 hours with no phone call or text to tell me where he was and that he was ok... when he came home he would find his key no longer worked in the lock... if you leave and don't tell me where you are going and don't come home to sleep, clearly you do not want to be part of my family.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 He sounds narcissistic and has a low EQ. EQ is more important than IQ in a marriage. I agree he is not cherishing you. I think without him you will be able to rebuild your life and redefine yourself. And then you would look back your earlier years with horror. This "never good enough" attitude is a totally wrong one to have. Staying with him makes you an inverted narcissist. You stay with him because you have a great need to prove to yourself that you are worthy. With the right person you have nothing to prove. You just be.
I can understand intellectually you have to match so you are able to converse just about anything, and that improves chemistry. He married you because he needs to feel powerful and above you, and he could care less if he is hurting you in the process. He does not care about compatability. He enjoys making you miserable because that's proof that he is better than you. It's time you leave this toxic relationship. You can ignore him but that's not going to change him. He can only change for himself when he realizes what he's doing is not providing him real happiness. There is nothing spiritually uplifting about being intellectually superior to others. By the way narcissists hate being ignored. Attention is the thing they desperately need. You are feeding his grandiosity and he is feeding you the need for approval. See the marriage for what it is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): You need to ask yourself why you're married to this guy. He's broken all his wedding vows - he's not cherishing and loving his wife. He treats you like crap, has zero respect for you, and degrades you. You have zero trust in him. Basically this kind of marriage is not a real marriage it's just being tied to an anchor that is sinking you making you drown slowly, it's worse than having no relationship at all.he's not going to change. so you have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life like this, or get out now, get divorced, and start being happier and maybe even finding a great relationship with someone new some day soon. but as long as you stay in this so-called marriage, you're robbing yourself of ever having anything better because he will not change and a real husband shouldn't even be like this in the first place. He's not going to divorce you first because obviously he's still getting some benefit from the marriage and who knows what benefits he's getting when he disappears for days on end and you accept it since you're still around so that's great for him. Your choice.
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