A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI,Please help. My mother never raised me but now i am grown up she is being sooooo to me, as i know its normal for parents and kids to argue and fight. but with her its differnt she raised my brother and my other two half sibling. but when she fights with them its different they will swear at her and she would just swear back, frawn for a while and thats it. but when it comes to me its really different, she would swear to me fight with me, only thing i do is aswer her thats all, i never swear of never argue with her because i respect her alot dispite of all tereble thing she did to my father and me. but the moment i aswer her she creats a scine she cries as if i have slaped her, why does it mean i dont deserve to talk or what. what should i do. i feel like she wants to control my life and honestly i dont hate her but i cant bare her but she is my mother. did i do somthing wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):
It doesn't sound as if you have done anything wrong except being a reminder to her that she was not there to raise you, and despite the fact that she made that choice I am sure it is still very painful for her and possibly makes her feel very guilty. That is something that she is going to have to come to terms with and is not your fault.
She may feel that she needs to cram in all those bits of information that parents give children when they are growing up which is why you feel that she is trying to control your life. Your mother may simply be viewing you as a child as she missed so many years with you.
I am sure you love your mother even if you don't like her. I feel that the only thing that will fix this is time and over time she will begin to view you as an adult who can make their own decisions and choices. It may also take some time to establish the mother child bond again.
It does seem that your mother is used to communicating by shouting and swearing which is not a good way of getting someones attention. She may feel that you are not being natural with her and are holding back on your feelings. At some point she is going to have to sit down and listen to how you feel about her leaving you and at that point you may get an insight into how she felt and why she took such a drastic course of action.
I do wish you luck because it sounds as if you really want to have a loving relationship with your mother.
A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 You asked if you did somthing wrong...that right there is a sign of a dysfunctional childhood. How could you do anything wrong, you were a child?
Its good to forgive your mother but maybe you should focus on your own needs first. My mother was a poor parent and no better as a grandparent. I had to fill in the lack of parenting I got from her on my own and I had to keep my kid a fair distance from her because she never really changed. Some people are just that way and its not your job to dance for them or blame them either. Dont let the baggage of your parents become yours, and stop the cycle of dysfunction before your future kids take it on another generation.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 September 2007):
 You are an adult. When she starts in on you, just walk away. If you are living with her then maybe it's time to find your own place. Sometimes distance can make people behave better. She should realize you are grown and treat like an adult so maybe if she sees you acting maturely about things she will realize it.
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