A
female
age
36-40,
*onza
writes:My boyfriend and I had sex last night but none of us had ever done it before.as he was penetrating I felt pain so I stopped him but he was not amused at my act cause he kept telling me he is also feeling pain.he at many times requested me to reach the climax but I did not at any one moment.all the time questions were going on in my mind,what if I get pregnant yet we have not prepared for this child? Besides we are all leaders in the church so I did not see it right for us to do it before we are legally married and so I kept on telling him we can not,his mind was fully into the activity but with me no and I did not enjoy anything at all,tell me was I wrong? What do I do also to get to the climax,what do I do to enjoy sex better?.thanx. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I am not lying and it is not rubbish and it is not based on ANY bad experience of my own but on what she had to say in her OWN post. Most women feel pain when losing their virginity as something is being torn and broken and stretched. No matter what was put inside of her it would most likely hurt. A man does not have anything torn, broken or stretched out when he loses his virginity and does NOT feel pain upon penetrating the first time. His penis is being put inside a warm, soft, pleasurable environment and unless things are very rough, or his frenulum is torn (extremely rare) he would not feel pain. Just as is he were putting it in her mouth or inside an actual blow up doll. A man does not feel pain upon losing his virginity. For him to tell her not to complain because of the pain as he was having virginity pain as well is COMPLETE RUBBISH and most likely he was saying that only because he did not wish to stop and acknowlege her pain. He was being an insensitive jerk. And to keep ordering her to cum already only reiterates what an insensitive jerk he was. Sex should be a tender, loving activity where both people connect with each other for mutual pleasure. Being told to climax is ridiculous.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Dearjuliet, yep it can happen, but it may not be common. My guy bled the first time, and that gave me a shock...
Gonza, sex will hurt and feel bad if your thinking about other people and you can't relax. It's like swimming, you can't swim properly if you think your going to drown. If you really can't relax, perhaps this sex thing is not right for you at the moment. Do other things that will please your boyfriend sexually. A woman must be relaxed and happy to good sex, or experience also does the trick. You must learn to shut the bedroom door, and leave the world outside.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): @deejuliet please don't lie to the poster based on bad experiences of your own. Point one is rubbish, you must appreciate that. To suggest that guys never feel pain during sex is just as ludicrous, ignorant and stupid as it would be for me to suggest that women never do.
Gonza, it's very rare for the first time to be amazing like in the movies. A bit of pain is to be expected but your partner should've acknowledged your will to stop if you made it clear that you wanted to. Focus more on foreplay next time, perhaps use some lube, and make it VERY clear in no uncertain terms that you'd like to stop if that's your wish next time. If he doesn't then he doesn't deserve you since he's no man at all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): deejuliet - guys can get pain during sex as if the girl is tense it can squish his knob.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (13 January 2009):
The first thing you do to have better sex is find a new boyfriend. This one is the pits.
One ~ he did NOT have pain with his first time having sex. Women often have severe pain as the hymen is broken and the vagina stretched to a size it wasnt before. Men do NOT have pain and if he was telling you this he was BSing you.
Two ~ telling you to climax is like telling a pig to fly. It just doesnt work that way! Climax is very, very hard for most women to reach during intercourse, most especially the first time. It takes lots of time, foreplay, stimulation and loving care by a skilled lover.
Three ~ You were unconfortable, unhappy and wished to stop. Any desent guy who actually cared about you would have respected your feelings, backed off completely and tried again another day when you were ready.
I suggest you not have sex again with this bloke. I suggest you wait until you have found someone who will be more patient and caring and tender. You are not a blow up doll that can be ordered to have sex and to climax when he says to.
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