A
female
age
41-50,
*aula567
writes:Hi all, I have been reading through post but one seem to match my sitation so I'll try and explainSo, I've known this (guy now my ex) for about 4 years but we only really started dating in April. Everything was strange because he'd take ages to respond emails and wouldn't arrange dates with me etc. The on 21 July he dumps me out of the blue - citing the fact that he always paid for everything as the reason. He does this on text message and refuses to meet with me to discuss it. So I leave things alone and move on and start seeing someone else call him Y.Then about a month ago I get an email from him (the ex) asking me how I am and after a bit we meet up for Sunday lunch and then we have a couple of dates and i realise that I want to be with him but need to break things off with the guy Y that I was seeing but he was on holiday at that point so I had to wait till he was back which I did do.Anyway on Saturday I was out with my now ex and he saw a text from my old boyf (Y) but didn't say anything aobut it till Monday night when he texts me and asks me who this person is and then dumps me by text again. I sent him an email last night trying to explain everything and said that IO wasn;t cheating on him and that I hadn't been with anyone else since I met him on 11 September. He basically wrote back to me saying that I was a " Joke, a cheat,chear,cheat and that he fell for my sob stories on Saturday but now he is v hapey he found out and will go out with someone who derves him". Also that he'd booked a v exprensive restaurant for Sat bhut will now take someone else who deserves it.I don't know what to do, I really liked him and I didn't cheat on him but who could I finish with someone that's on holiday. I feel like I've blown it for good this time and I just need some advice. Should I write back to him or leave things be, feeling very down at the moment.
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move on, my ex, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Honestly. He sounds like a prick, and chances are if you guys had a longterm relationship, it'd be like this EVERY TIME something went wrong. He couldn't even tell you his problems to your face? Jesus.
I think you got off lucky.
A
female
reader, Paula567 +, writes (12 October 2011):
Paula567 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all thanks for your replies. I should have told him about y at the beginning. I see that now. I think that he really hates me well it certainly seems that way
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A
female
reader, Paula567 +, writes (12 October 2011):
Paula567 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all thanks for your comments. I didn't tell him about y when we first met again because i wasn't sure why we were meeting and what i wanted to do. I see now that i should have.
We only started dating in April this year then he dumped me in July but i think this time i won't get another chance
his email was so nasty
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I think that you should have been straight with your ex from the moment that you met back up with him and told him that you where seeing somebody else. It is always best to be straight with someone and tell them what is going on. You should have told him that you where in a relationship with Y but that you would end it with him. Anyway it is done now and you cannot turn back time.
To be honest it doesn't sound like your ex trusted you very much anyway. He should never have looked through your phone and then he just accuses you without listening to the full story, also he is spineless by dumping you over text and not giving you a proper reason or meeting up with you to explain. He is not Mr Perfect himself by a long way. I'm not sure how this will be sorted out, I guess you can write back to him and explain exactly what happened and why you never told him and I guess just hope for the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): The big question is, did you tell him about Y and say, "I've been seeing this guy but I'm breaking it off as soon as he's back from holiday." ?? I'm thinking he thinks you were playing both guys, especially if you didn't explain that up front.
However, I think he has some red flags. I guess it depends on what that text said from Y. But, I think this is something you can work out rationally if he will be rational.
He sounds rather dramatic, actually. This is the second time he's broke up by text. And the rubbing things in your face like "fancy dinner" etc... I would actually be cautious with this guy. Those are signs of controlling and manipulative behavior.
I know you're down, but I think for now don't call him back. Don't run to him scared. Give it a day or two to let him cool down.
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A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 He sounds like he's looking for reasons to blame you or make your suffer. Dumping you because he pays for everything, after 4 years? Couldn't he just discuss it? Calling you a cheat when he dumped you months before? Is there part of his logic board missing? Or maybe we don't have the whole picture here?
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