A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have just found out I am pregnant. My bf and I have been together for 2 years and we have just bought a house together so the timing is good. I’m 38 and he is 37 and it’s our first child. We have had a lot of problems in our relationship and it has not been easy. I had a breakdown last year, I was drinking too much, a lot of stuff happened which I don’t need to go into and we almost broke up. We’ve built our relationship back up and now we’re doing okay. I’m delighted to be pregnant as we have been trying for some time. We are both quite scared also and I know that this is normal. He has admitted to me he feels happy but scared too.I was wondering, does anyone have any advice how to keep having a successful relationship once you have a baby/kids? I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those kinds of mothers who are obsessed with her kids but obviously it needs to be a priority. My bf has said he thinks it’s important that we remain our own people, outside of the child, like the child does not define who we are and we are not just parents. Does anyone have any ideas how you would achieve that? We are both very creative people, I’m an artist and he’s a musician. We both have normal jobs too!Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): Thanks justhelpinagian. I am terrified of miscarrying at the moment, I'm about 5 weeks pg and having lots of symptoms. Hope so much I go full term. He's being great so far it's brought us closer togther so thats good.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (12 October 2011):
Firstly congrats on getting it together and expecting a baby. Nothing matches the combined excitement and terror that having a baby and being a parent brings. Remarkably we all seem to make it through and even go back and do it again. I don't know if you'll be worrying about independence once you have baby in your arms. You will worry about when will you get the next 20 minutes sleep though. As a couple you are going to need to get some teamwork going to share the load, and try to organise help so the two of you get so time alone together. Make use of all the support the community has to provide. Most of all don't forget to enjoy the special moments that remind you how really lucky you all are.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 It will be stressful being first time parents and also you will be more tired with a new born in the house, so obviously your relationship will become affected to some sort of degree. It doesn't mean that the child has to define you both as people but it will be a big change and you will both see it. But it doesn't mean you need to stop being a couple. Not at all. Organise a babysitter once a week where you both have a date night and do something new and exciting every week. Something you will both enjoy.
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